


Erased

by violetends



Series: Erased [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 19:54:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 29,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13771365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetends/pseuds/violetends
Summary: Touka Kirishima thought she said goodbye to "Haise Sasaki" and just when she was finally trying to move on, with Nishiki Nishio there to help her, Ken Kaneki comes back into her life and turns her life completely upside down into something she never saw coming.





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> So, this started off as a ficlet and nothing more. But the idea bloomed and it became a multi-chapter story that took on a mind of its own. Touken is my OTP, but I do indulge in Nishitou too...so, that's why this series became a thing lol. Each "part", the format/style changes as the story gets longer and in depth. I've included bonus scenes as well (mostly smut because that's just what I do lol). I hope you enjoy this crazy AU!

_—_

He comes in almost every day and he always gets his usual. 

Coffee. Black. 

He always gets a little emotional too. 

She’ll never forget how he started crying the first time he had her coffee. She wondered if it was that bad, but he cried from how good it was. **  
**

“Like I’ve had this before…” She overhears him say to his new family. A young, carefree group that follow him around and look up to him as maybe a mentor.

He looks happy when he’s around them.

Sometimes she wonders, when he sneaks glances at her from behind whatever book he’s reading, if he has any memory left. 

He’ll look at her when he thinks she can’t see him, but she does. It makes her feel good. Like, maybe he’s starting to remember. 

But there’s also a sadness behind his eyes when he looks at her. It kind of breaks her heart.

Every day he comes into the shop, it becomes harder for her to sit back and say nothing.

Sometimes she feels that desperation to pull him aside and tell him who he really is. But she never does.

Until one day he’s in the shop by himself, he hasn’t bothered to grab a book, and as she reaches for his empty cup, he grabs her wrist and keeps her in place.

His grip is gentle and familiar.

Their eyes meet.

She forgets to breathe for a moment.

He’s changed so much physically, but when she looks into his grey sad eyes, she knows it really is him.

“Have we met before?” He asks, his voice small and unsure.

 _Yes! We know each other! Please try to remember!_ She wants to tell him.

“No, I don’t believe we have.” She lies with a smile. She’s good at lying. She has to be.

Somehow, he doesn’t believe it.

“Are you sure?” He presses, this time with a stronger tone of voice.

“I’m sure. I get that a lot though, I’m always reminding people of their ex-girlfriends.”

He looks defeated. Sadder. Lonelier.

She’s falling apart inside.

He lets go of her wrist and apologizes.

His touch lingers on her skin. It wants his touch again.

She wants him back.

But…

He stands, leaving more than enough to pay for his bill and grabs his coat to leave.

“You know,” She lets out, getting him to stop. “You remind me of someone I used to know, too.” She tells him.

He barely looks over his shoulder.

“That someone was very lucky to have you in their life.” He says before walking out.

She’s shattered.

_I was the lucky one to have had you in my life, Ken Kaneki…_

_Goodbye._

_—_


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Touka turns to Nishiki for some comfort, both of them understanding it’s something they need. (Nishiki x Touka NSFW moment)

She doesn’t see Kaneki for days. Day turn to weeks. Weeks turn to months.

Everyday she hated herself a little more for letting him go.

He asked if they had known each other and she said no.

The opportunity was there to get him back. To bring him back. But she wasn’t that selfish. And she wasn’t stupid.

She knew who he used to be, not who he was now.

Now he was a murderer. Cold and calculated. Worshipped by those who hunted her kind.

She had seen him on the news, being praised for his work in the fight to get rid of ghouls. All ghouls. And she knew that included her.

She knew better than to hold on. She knew what had to be done.

It wasn’t easy though.

“He may never come back to us, Touka.” Yomo tells her.

As much as it hurts her, she knows he’s right. Even if he did come back, could anyone look at him the same way?

The blinds are shut. Lights are dim. :re is closed.

It’s just Touka and Nishiki left.

Finally alone he can’t bite his tongue anymore.

He had watched over the past few years what his absence had been doing to her.

Slowly chipping away her heart even though she kept up the facade that she was fine.

And he would have believed it until he showed up again, brightening that light of hope in her again.

Only to have it stripped away from her because he disappeared again.

Asshole.

Nishiki couldn’t stand it anymore.

He had told Touka he couldn’t stand to see her mopey and she threw a punch that he quickly caught with his hand.

“You’re too predictable now, Touka. And it kind of makes me sad to see that.” He’s being serious, noting how he has changed her.

It makes her more upset and she throws more aggressive punches that Nishiki easily dodges.

Until he catches her fists and stops her from lashing out. She feels sick. Weak.

She fucking hates it.

She hates all of it.

Why did it have to end up this way?

She finds solace in the arms of someone she’s familiar with, but never thought she would ever need.

Nishiki. Shitty Nishiki…

She falls apart in Nishiki’s arms and muffles her crying into his chest with his sweater soaking up her tears.

He lets her cry. He also hates this. He hates what he has done to her. Kaneki.

He hates just thinking of his name.

Nishiki wishes Kaneki had never come back. All he was now was a ghost.

This shouldn’t be happening to Touka. She deserved better.

Nishiki comforts her the best he can, rubbing her back and holding her close. But he keeps his mouth shut. For once.

She’s stopped shaking from the wave of emotions that hit her, but she continues to hold onto him.

Somehow she feels better with him. She can feel that he cares. But she never wanted him to see her this way.

“I’m sorry.” Now she’s apologizing and it makes Nishiki push her off him so he can stare down at her.

“Don’t.” He shakes his head at her. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” He means it.

And he doesn’t know what comes over him when he reaches up to her face to wipe her tears away from her eyes with his thumbs.

She’s broken.

Their eyes lock and there’s something there that flickers between them. They share the loss of someone they loved. It’s a pain that runs deep inside, festering.

He seemed to have a better grip on it though.

Not her.

But they both know what they have to do.

They need to let go.

He leans down to press his lips on hers and he fully expects a slap to his face.

But she doesn’t reject him. Instead she wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him down closer to her.

She welcomes him.

He hungrily deepens the kiss as she hitches a leg over his hip.

He pushes her back until she crashes into counter, the edge of it hitting her lower back hard enough to make her gasp.

“Ow.” She giggles against his lips.

It’s the first time in a long time that she smiles, much less giggles.

That’s such a nice sound to hear, he thinks.

“Sorry.” He grins, grabbing a hold of her hips and lifting her up to sit her on the counter.

She never thought this would happen even though it had crossed her mind before. But she’d never admit to it.

Those feelings were pushed aside when Kaneki…

No. Stop.

Her hands slip down between them to undo Nishiki’s apron and his pants.

They continued to kiss until they are both breathless.

She so caught up in the moment, she doesn’t even realize he’s already reached under her skirt and removed her underwear.

That’s when she can feel him between her legs.

She wraps her legs around his waist and pushes him to her.

She’s ready.

But he looks at her as if he’s not sure.

“Forget it all.” She breathy lets out.

He nods in acknowledgement and covers her lips with his as he pushes himself inside her.

It’s not her first time, but she squeezes her eyes shut and gasps against his mouth.

He feels good.

When he pushes himself all the way in, he stays still and lets out a groan against the corner of her lips.

She feels good.

His hips begin to move, holding onto her hips as each thrust becomes faster and harder.

Her hands grip his shoulders, trying to have her hips match his.

A mixture of moans and groans escape from them.

They don’t think. They can’t think.

It’s working.

She holds on the back of his neck and throws her other hand behind her, steading herself on her arm from falling back as she feels her undoing is near.

He can feel himself getting close.

Her back arches and she lets her head loll to the side, her eyes falling tightly shut as she comes around him.

She lets out his name in a whimper that makes him shiver.

And it’s only when he sees her like this, feels her clench over and over around him, that he comes as well.

He falls forward, his forehead resting into her shoulder, as he stills his hips and grunts, spilling deep into her.

She feels full. Sated. Whole again.

And when he pulls away to look at her, she can see he feels the same way.

They needed this.

His glasses are uneven and she reaches up to fix them.

“Did you want to go back to my place?” He boldly asks her out of breath.

She only nods.

—

Touka stands on the sidewalk, watching Nishiki close up the shop.

Everything feels surreal, but at the same time feels like how it should be.

Back to normal.

But as she takes Nishiki’s hand she feels eyes on her.

She pauses for a moment to look around, but there’s no one there.

“Oi, Touka, you okay?” she hears Nishiki ask her, snapping her back to reality.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Lead the way, four-eyes.”

“You brat.” He shakes his head and leads her away from the shop.

But she can still feel eyes on her as she leaves.

She’s being watched as if she’s the target of a hunter.


	3. Part 2.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part Two Bonus Scene: Taking place shortly after Touka arrives at Nishiki's place. (Nishiki x Touka smut all the way)

Stars. That’s what Touka saw when her eyes snapped open after another orgasm hit her. A burst of sparks floating in her vision as she whimpered softly with each pulsation her core gave off. It reverberated deep inside her after having come twice before, she could only lay there as her body collapsed with only one leg hitched up over Nishiki’s shoulder and her body spasming.

But Nishiki wasn’t done. Not even close. He had only used his mouth and tongue the first two times, moving onto slipping in two fingers to get Touka to this point, to savor her, but he still needed more from her. It had been far too long since he had - don’t even think of her name - a woman in this state of pure bliss and far too long since he heard the sweet sounds, that Touka was emitting, that were such a turn on to him.

Touka could feel Nishiki’s tongue stroke her sensitive and swollen folds, caressing her with his soft petting as he lapped up her essence and God, did she taste amazing. His hands continued to grip onto her hips as went in for another round, knowing just a little bit pressure and a little bit of suction would be her undoing again.

When Touka realized what Nishiki was up to she immediately tried fighting against it.

“Nis–Nishiki…I ca–can’t!” She writhed, trying to get away, but he held her down, keeping her from moving as he worked her clit again. She fell back, giving up so easily because she had no strength, but mostly because her body wanted another rush despite the overstimulation.

It was just that good.

Nishiki slipped two slender digits into her, causing her to arch her back and let out a choked cry. He groans, feeling the tightness of her walls around his fingers and it almost makes him want to stop just so can feel that tightness around his cock. But not yet.

“ _Ooh_ , fuuuuck…Nish–Nishiki…” Touka let out between pants. Her eyes were shut tight and her hands were deeply entwined in his chestnut hair. His fingers pumped into her painfully slow as his tongue flicked over her swollen clit. Her body was tensing and he knew she was moments away from losing it.

Nishiki sucked on her clit as he curled his fingers, deftly finding her sweet spot that set her off. Touka came once again, her body shuddering as her orgasm wracked her and leaving her whimpering. Nishiki pulled back slightly to watch Touka fall into her hazy state, something he had to admit really turned him on just as much as him feeling her walls contract around his fingers.

He carefully withdrew his fingers from her, seeing his fingers covered in her juices. Fuck that was hot. He then let those fingers rub along her folds, coating her and his fingers with more of her come while feeling the soft pulsations.

Once Touka regained some of her senses and her mind wasn’t swirling as much, she looked down at Nishiki who was still between her legs and couldn’t believe she was in this position. She had never been so exposed like this, she tried closing her legs and tried shying away. Even with Kaneki, they had barely started exploring each other when…

“Touka?” Nishiki had noticed her mind somewhere else. She came back to reality.

“This is…new to me.” Touka admitted, feeling her cheeks go hotter.

“Hey, it’s fine. Really.” He was trying to make her feel better about this. That there was no need to be embarrassed. “This is just proving you right,” He sat up, bringing his fingers to his mouth, cleaning them…tasting her. “I am sex obsessed.” He was trying to lighten the mood.

“Yeah, you are, shithead.” Touka tried hiding her giggle.

But this felt…good. 

This was exactly what she wanted. Needed. And she believed Nishiki did too.

_Distractions…_

Nishiki had moved himself over the side of the bed, leaving Touka splayed out on the bed, still recovering. After a few moments she finally tried moving, but that seemed like it would be a challenge.

“I don’t think I can make into work today…” Touka turned her head slightly, sighing into the pillow. Nishiki reached down to his pants that were pooled on the floor and grabbed his phone from his back pocket.

“Want me to call Yomo for you? Tell him your sick…or that you can’t walk?” Nishiki asked, looking smug as Touka tried moving off the bed, but her body wasn’t complying.

She turned her head and narrowed her eyes at him. “Fuck you, four-eyes.”

“Poor choice of words, Touka.” Nishiki smirked as held the phone to his ear and started to talk to Yomo, telling him Touka was not well and that he himself would be in a couple of hours late.

Touka’s lower half of her body felt heavy; her legs like jelly and completely out of her control. He hadn’t even fucked her and she was already in an immobile state. What did he do to me? She tried shifting herself, but two hands took hold of her hips and she was flipped onto her stomach

“Where do you think you’re going?” Nishiki asked, skimming his lips along her spine and slowly inching up her body.

Touka felt goosebumps cover her skin from the teasing sensation. “I was going to test my legs. You know, to make sure I could still walk.”

She then felt Nishiki’s lips lightly brush against a shoulder blade, causing her her tense slightly.

Then the tip of his tongue ran along the exact area where her ukaku resided and she gasped, feeling a heat at her core flare even more. He knew exactly what he was doing, she could tell by his smile against her skin.

“You can still walk, Touka,” He moved his lips against her ear, “I just won’t let you.” Touka shivered as Nishiki pulled away from her. He flipped her back onto her back with ease. She was just going along with whatever he had planned. What else could she do? Her body was already weak for him. She had to admit she wanted him.

“Lift your hips a bit.” He tapped the side of her lips and she did so, lazily, feeling him slip a pillow under her to elevate her and she didn’t exactly know why.

Touka pushed herself up slightly, resting back on her elbows and watched Nishiki curiously. Somewhere between the call to Yomo and his teasing, he had gotten a hold of a condom. He ripped open the package and brought it down. She could see him take the condom and easily roll it down the length of his cock.

“I should have done this back at the shop.” Nishiki sighed and Touka could swear he heard him mutter ‘stupid’ to himself as he threw the condom wrapper aside. She wasn’t going to tell him that Kaneki never used them…

“Heat of the moment, it’s fine.” She shrugged.

Nishiki snorted, fitting himself between her legs. “I doubt you want a stubborn and annoying brat running around the shop making a mess of things.”

“You insulting yourself is kind of a turn on.” Touka joked, laughing a little.

“Ha, that’s funny.” He said with a serious tone and rolled his eyes at her as he pushed the head of his cock between her swollen folds and in a swift movement sheathed himself completely into her. She gasped from the intrusion, a bit of pain hitting her. “Fuck, Touka…” He cursed, pulling back a little.

“S–Something wrong?” Touka asked, spreading her legs a bit more.

“Just, wait…” Nishiki blew out some air, as if he was really trying to focus. Her walls were just too tight, tighter than he expected that it was even a little painful for him and such tightness would make him come even faster. He just couldn’t have that.

To help distract from the issue, Nishiki leaned down to kiss the side of Touka’s neck. It was something she didn’t expect, but threw her head back for it. Her eyes fluttered shut as he sucked on part of her neck, leaving small welts along her skin that were healing almost as quickly as he was leaving them. But if he kept it at long enough, they would still leave a mark.

“If you leave hickeys, I swear to God I will rip your jaw off.” Touka warned. All bark, but no bite.

“And then what?” Nishiki teased as he began moving his hips, bringing himself out of her and then pushing himself back in. She sighed heavily as her body began to fall weak. He repeated his movements in a slow and teasing manner that quickly drove her insane. “Who will make you feel this good, Touka?” He asked with a groan.

He didn’t really mean anything by it, she knew that, but mind for the briefest of moments thought about Kaneki. But he wasn’t here. All Touka had was this right here, right now. Nishiki. Taking her mind away from that pain…

“ _Mmm_ …shut the fuck up, asshole, just… _ahhh_ …fuck me.” Touka moaned, hooking her ankles behind him, urging him on to pick up his pace.

“Like this?” Nishiki’s thrust grew faster. “Or like this?” Then his thrust slowed down an unbearable pace. She wrapped her arms around his neck, holding onto him as his hands gripped the backs of her thighs, pushing her spread legs back further towards the bed. 

“Stop…teasing me!” Her hips tried to futilely move for more friction, for more of him.  “Fuck you…” She breathed, but that did nothing to help. Nishiki kept his slow pace even when he really just wanted to fuck her faster and harder. But he couldn’t help himself make it fun for him.

“Beg for it.” He had a smirk on his sweaty face.

“Never!” Touka would never beg. For anything. But her eyes fell down to their joined bodies and watched Nishiki move in and out of her. It fueled her desires, it made her body scream at her for wanting its release.

But this was something else. Both of them had too much pent up frustration. Too much anger…sadness…that this was the only thing that was even remotely making them feel better. Both of them wanted to feel wanted, to feel needed. Even in this wild entanglement, they just wanted release.

“Beg…” Nishiki stilled himself, waiting for Touka’s eyes to meet his. He needed this. He needed her to want him, to say it. And her eyes finally did meet his in a lustful gaze, with tears building up in her beautiful eyes.

“Plea–Please, Nishiki… _pleeeease_ …” She whimpered.

That’s all he needed as his lips crashed on hers, his hips ramming into her with such force her body moved up and down the bed violently. It went on for moments before the both came, together. 

Her walls clamped down on him, almost painfully as he shuttered above her. His cock throbbing, spilling into the condom. But the sensation was enough for Touka to throw her head back into the pillow, mewling sweet nothings as her body got what it needed. Her body spasmed as her hazy high coursed through her veins and Nishiki was left groaning softly against the pulse at her neck.

He lifted himself just a bit to catch a glimpse of her face. Her half lidded eyes finding his. Her afterglow, so radiant, so beautiful…

She could see a side of him she hadn’t seen before. A bit of vulnerability, a bit of longing, and bit of something else she wasn’t sure what to make of…

Nishiki pulled away from her tight warmth, immediately regretting having done that as a chill hit him and made him shiver. He fell back onto his back onto the bed, breathless and his mind foggy. He couldn’t look at her right now.

Touka laid there completely spent. Only able to try to regain control over her breathing. Her high lingering within her and in her mind. She couldn’t look at him.

But as things began to come down and reality settled back in, they both realized what they had done.   
“Thank you…” Touka let out. That was stupid, but what else could she say?

“Yeah.” Nishiki sighed. Both of them slept with their backs to each other.

 _This was just temporary_ , they both told themselves.


	4. Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when Touka is moving on with her life, Kaneki comes back into it with still with no memory and ends up confusing her.

It had been a couple of months since Touka and Nishiki had initiated something between them. They didn’t really know what it was that was between them, but they both knew they were enjoying it.

She had tried to contain herself at work to not give herself away. But she had failed.

She looked happy again. Why should she have to try to hide it?

It was as though a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders…off her heart.

It was time to move on and she was finally trying.

And what made it even better was…

“Touka! You’re taking too long with those coffees, my table is in a hurry.” Nishiki huffed at her across the counter.

She gave him a glare and flipped him a middle finger.

It only made him chuckle.

“That is such a professional thing for a manager to do.” He pushed up his glasses.

“Rush me again and I will rip out your tongue.” She gave a smile.

“Oh Touka, you’d really regret that for obvious reasons.” He grinned.

She got the hint and shook her head in disbelief, but she couldn’t stop smiling.

She served Nishiki his coffees for his table and stepped out from behind the counter, finally able to take a break.

But then the color drained from her face when she looked over at the entrance of :re and saw him walk into the shop.

She feels her heart drop when his eyes find hers.

 _Kaneki_.

She forces herself to look away.

_He’s not really there. He can’t be._

Her eyes glance up at Nishiki, who’s on the other end of the counter as he sees Kaneki walk in and he immediately stiffens.

All Nishiki can do is give a reassuring nod to Touka.

_You can do this._

He’s right. She can do this. Kaneki had no control over her. And she wasn’t about to start now.

Touka takes a deep breath and gets herself together before turning back to find Kaneki taking a seat at small table in a corner by a window.

He’s by himself.

He looks different again. He reminds her of how he used to look when he first walked into Anteiku. When he was human.

But he’s stronger and more confident. He’s lost that warmth to him though. He had a much colder demeanor. Deadly.

Touka walks up to his table and gets a closer look at this person who looks like Kaneki, but there’s someone else under his skin.

He’s dressed all in black, except for his gloves. Red leather gloves.

“Well, you’ve been absent.” She notes with a charming, but fake smile.

_He’s just another customer._

She gets his attention as he turns away from the window and looks up at her.

He flashes a smile of his own, but the disturbing thing about it was that she couldn’t tell if it was real or not.

“Business picked up.” He says and it sends a shiver down her spine. Business. Ghoul killing business. “I didn’t think you would notice me gone.” He adds and there’s a tiny flicker in his eyes.

“You were one of my favorite customers.” She admits, hoping he couldn’t detect the sadness in her voice.

“Well, now I feel special.” He smiles again and it’s warmer this time.

Their eyes lock for a good moment before Touka looked down at her notepad. She didn’t want to fall into a trap.

“Will it be the usual? Coffee, black?” She asks him, still looking up at him.

“You remember.” He sounds amused. “Yes, my usual.”

“It’ll be right out.” She tells him before turning on her heels to walk away from him. She can feel her heart racing and she feels like she might burst and it’s only until she gets behind the counter and sets down her notepad that she sees her hands shaking. She fists them to control them.

“Everything okay?” Nishiki is quick to pop up beside her, looking down at her fists.

“Fine. Everything is fine.” She answers him and gets to work.

But everything is not fine. He’s still showing no signs of having regained his memory. And why, why would he pop back into her life again? It felt as though he was toying with her.

She can feel his eyes on her, but she refuses to look up at him. An eerie feeling washes over her.

She knows Nishiki is glaring at him and she wishes he wouldn’t.

After she’s done making the coffee she tells Nishiki to serve Kaneki his coffee, she needs to take a break.

Touka heads outside to the back of the shop and she leans up against the cold concrete wall.

She shuts her eyes and curses to herself.

She feels like she’s entering a nightmare.

“Do you always leave your favorite customers hanging like that?”  _His_  voice makes Touka’s eyes snap open.

Kaneki is standing just feet away in front of her.

“I needed some fresh air.” Touka sighed. She turned to head back inside the shop, but an arm shoots out in front of her, blocking her. She turns to have her back against the wall again.

Kaneki moves in closer to her.

She starts to feel weak.

She’s caged between his arms. She knows she can easily get away from him, but she doesn’t want to.

And then his face in just inches away from hers.

His eyes are intense, but curious, as if he’s waiting for a reaction from her.

“I know that I know you.” His voice is soft, but misleading because his eyes are the exact opposite. “And for some reason you don’t want to admit it, but I know you know me too.”

He takes one of his gloves off and lets his hand fall to catch her wrist, finding her pulse.

 _Shit_.

A corner of his mouth curls, “Your body is giving you away, Touka-chan.”

Her body is screaming.

Touka-chan. It had been so long since she heard him call her that.

For a moment she really felt like Kaneki was back.

But looks were far more deceiving.

She then felt his hand cup the side of her face and he’s staring at her mouth intently.

He brushes the pad of his thumb against her lower lip, causing her to gasp.

“I feel like I’ve kissed these lips before.” He’s leaning down closer, as if he wants to kiss her.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

She swallows hard and feels her breathing intensifying. She clenches her fists tightly.

“We did know each other, but it was a long, long time ago.” She finally admits it, but she doesn’t let her guard down. His eyes flicker up to hers.

“You were once mine, weren’t you?” His voice is soft and his grey eyes looked almost sad.

_It’s Kaneki…_

“Yes.” She whispers. She can’t believe she’s admitting it.

But just like that, just when she had hope creeping up inside her again, his face goes cold and he removes his hand away from her.

“That’s all I wanted to hear.” There’s no emotion in his voice. He pushes himself away from her and disappears.

Touka is left there to process what had just happened. Thinking about how her body had betrayed her. Remembering his finger on her lips…

She was so confused. And hurting.

———

**_Bonus Scene:_ **

Kaneki slips into the driver’s seat of his car and keeps his eyes on :re. He watches through the windshield as Touka sits at a table by the window, looking bothered. He feels his lips twitch. He got to her.

But then he sees Nishiki, who is quick to be at her side.

He watches as Nishiki rubs her back and lifts up her chin to get her to look at him. He looks upset, but then calm as he leans in to kiss her and she accepts his affection.

Kaneki grips the steering wheel tightly, hearing the his leather gloves stretching.

He then hears a pop followed by a whistle.

“She’s cute, Haise!” Juuzou lets out as he leans forward from the passenger seat to get a better look. “Ghouls?” Juuzou asks.

“Yeah.” Kaneki answers.

“Too bad.” Juuzou pops his gum again. “Ohhh, by the way, we got the call. An Aogiri member has been located.”

“Which one?”

“The Black Rabbit.”

Kaneki takes a deep breath and gives Juuzou a smirk.

“Time to pay an old friend a visit.”


	5. Part Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Touka and Nishiki have their fun, but an unexpected visit from Kaneki sends her emotions into turmoil. (Nishiki x Touka NSFW moment)

Touka didn’t want to think about him. She didn’t want to feel the pain, that had dulled for a short while, but now hit her harder than ever.

She knew she was being toyed with, like she was in some twisted game, and she didn’t know what to do.

It should be an easy decision.

_Don’t think, Touka! Just…oh god…_

Nishiki had been working his tongue over her clit while also sucking on it. Her mind was swirling with ecstasy. This was his favorite thing to do to her, and God, he was so good at it.

Her hips tried to move against him, but he held them down, letting her know that he was in control of her pleasure. He was the one in complete control of this situation.

_That shithead…_

She threw her head back into the pillow with her mouth gaped open, letting out soft moans as she felt a knot building up deep in her belly. So close.

She couldn’t see what Nishiki was doing to her, but she could hear it and feel every bit of it.

He seemed to know exactly how to get her to writher around, how to get her to be so vocal, and that’s exactly what he wanted. He took pleasure in taste her, feeling her, and hearing every pant and moan that were music to his ears.

Touka felt her entire body tense, her breath go still, and her mind fall into a haze as she came. But this is where he showed her no mercy as he didn’t even let her body get a chance to recover.

She could hear him slurping at her and while it sounded so lewd, and embarrassing, it was still a turn on. He continued to hold her down as he worked his tongue over her faster and slipping two of his long fingers inside her to hit that spot that would having her coming undone again.

And she did. She came again with her body spasming and whimpers coming from deep inside her. He helped her ride out her second orgasm by running a couple of fingers against her, feeling her throb against them.

It took a couple minutes for Touka to regain some feeling back in her limbs before trying to sit up. She watched as Nishiki sat back on his heels and looked at her with a very smug look on his face. So proud of himself…

“Do you still want to rip out my tongue?” He cheekily asked, licking his fingers clean.

She covered her face and shook her head. He could be so obscene sometimes. She got a kick out of it…

“Shut up.” She tried to contain her giggle as she pushed him onto the bed and straddled him.

He held himself up on his elbows, watching her reach into her nightstand for a condom. But then she decided against it.

He looked at her a little unsure since they had tried to be careful since that first time and slipped up.

She reached down between them and guided him to her entrance.

“Trust me.” She told him, sliding down on him, taking him in inch by inch slowly. Nishiki watched her intently, letting out a long groan as he felt her tight walls swallowing him. She let out a sigh when he filled her completely, keeping still to adjust.

She placed her hands on his taut stomach to lifted herself up and then back down on him. She continued to do so until she found a steady pace as he watched her in a trance, even glancing down between them to watch her slid up and down his length and feel how slick he was because of her.

He sat up and placed a hand on her back while his other hand grabbed one of her hips and helped her go a bit fast and harder. He was letting her have most of the control here. She wrapped her arms around his neck, keeping him close as their eyes bore into one another.

The mixture of their pants and moans filled the room and it wasn’t long before Touka came again. Her face contorting as she felt  another orgasm hit her and her walls throbbed around him, squeezing him. Nishiki started to tense and curse under his breath, feeling his release just moments away.

Touka lifted her hips off him, just in time for him to come over her stomach and between her breasts. He groaned against her shoulder, completely breathless. She reached down to collect his essence with her fingers before bringing them to her mouth to taste him. He looked up at her to witness it and she only grinned at him.

He had truly brought out another side of her…

Spent and trying to catch their breaths, they fell back onto the bed.

Touka fell on her side, shutting her eyes to bask in her afterglow as Nishiki fell back on his back and draped an arm over his eyes. But it wasn’t long before Nishiki removed his arm away from his face and turned to look at Touka.

She looked sated and peaceful. But it never lasted.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

Touka’s eyes snapped open, finding him staring at her.

“You really should stop asking me that. You already know the answer.” The answer was always no.

She placed a hand on his cheek, seeing the concern in his eyes. He cared so much and it warmed her heart. She never imagined being in this situation, but it had to have happened for a reason. “But thank you. For still trying.” She added.

Nishiki gave her a faint smile and squeezed the hand that was on his cheek.

———

Shivering. That’s what had woken Touka up.

There was cool air hitting her bare back and it was all because Nishiki had hogged the covers and this wasn’t the first time. He was laying on his side with his back facing her and completely covered with a blanket.

She uncurled an arm from under the pillow and gave him a shove.

Nothing.

_Goddamit, Nishiki._

She gave him another shove and this time with her foot hitting his lower back while she grabbed the blanket and tried to pull it towards her. He started to groan and flipped over on his back, running his hands over his face. The blanket was finally loose enough for Touka to get some of it back on her.

“What the fuck, Touka?” Nishiki croaked.

“You hogged the blanket again, you shithead.” She wrapped the blanket around her.

“Well, get another blanket.” He fought for some more of the blanket, but only to piss her off. They both struggled with it, going back and forth until she was too mad to deal with the situation.

She grumbled and got up, grabbing the remnants of her clothes off the floor to at least put on her shorts and shirt.

“Since you’re up, how about making some coffee?”

“I’m off the clock, jerk!” She spat, but then sighed when she realized coffee actually sounded good. Her veins craved for it. “Fine!” She relented.

Nishiki grinned.

“Thanks, sunshine.” He mumbled into the pillow, already starting to fall asleep again.

Touka rolled her eyes and headed out of her room, yawning and feeling even colder than before. It was only when she walked into the living room she found the source of the chilly air.

Kaneki stood by the sliding door of her patio that was wide open, letting the cold winter breeze into the room. She sighed, cursing to herself about having chosen a flat on the first floor. And no, she wasn’t surprised by him suddenly showing up.

After all, he was a dove and doves were creeps.

Kaneki shut the sliding door and then turned to give Touka an all too familiar smile, like the one he gave her before he left her the first time. A memory she wished could fade…

“Good morning, Touka-chan!” Even his eyes smiled and it only added salt to the wound.

_Goddamnit._

“I wish I could say I’m surprised.” She crossed her arms, watching as he looked around the flat curiously. She had pieced everything together over the past twenty-four hours. “You’ve been watching me.” It wasn’t a question.

She was tired of this. Tired of all of it.

His eyes looked over at her with a half smile on his face.

“You know what I do, Touka.” He said in a tone that made her blood boil. He sounded so proud of what he did. Of what he was. A murderer.

“Yeah, I know exactly what you do.” She sneered.

She watched as he walked up to her and stood in front of her, studying her.

She could feel her heart start to race again. It was as though she had no control over her body when he was so close to her.

“And you’re not afraid? I could kill you right here, right now.” He was so close now that she could feel his breath on her.

She looked up at him with a look of disbelief. He seemed so sure of himself.

_What a joke._

“You couldn’t kill me even if you tried.” She scoffed.

Suddenly she pressed up against the wall with one Kaneki’s glove covered hands wrapping around her throat, squeezing his fingers around her neck ever so slightly.

The leather stretched, but she could barely feel any pressure.

“That sounds like a challenge.” He has a smirk on his face that she wants to smack off him, but then he softens as if something in his head triggered. “But you know I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“Do I?” She didn’t know who this man was anymore. He was all over the place. Fucking with her. And yet here she was, doing nothing to stop him. Maybe she deserved this. “I don’t know who you are.” She added, unable to mask the sadness in her voice.

It was tearing her apart to see the man she once loved in front of her…as someone else.

Kaneki looked at her, seemingly hurt by what she said. His hand around her throat slipped behind her neck and he pulled her even closer to him. His other hand found her hip and he squeezed it tightly, as if he didn’t want to let her go. Their bodies molded against each other like a perfect fit.

So much familiarity…

She should have pushed him away. Why couldn’t she push him away?

It was too late.

“I miss this.” He let out softly.

It was that right there that tore Touka up even more. It sounded like Kaneki, it felt like him…

Was he starting to remember?

She felt his lips brush against hers and the simple contact made them both gasp. It was almost electric.

But he quickly pulled away from her with a pained expression on his face that then turned into a look of disgust.

“You smell like  _him_.”

 _Nishiki_.

For a moment she had forgotten that Nishiki was in her bedroom…

Kaneki let out a groan in frustration as he tore himself away from her. Whatever plans he had, ruined by the scent of someone else.

He’s quick to walk away from her and head for the front door.

_Always leaving._

He looks over his shoulder to look at her, but doesn’t look for her eyes.

“Just tell me one thing, Touka,” Kaneki’s voice is strained, as if he’s holding himself back. “Does he make you happy?”

It’s a question she didn’t expect and it actually stuns her. It makes her think about the past few years where she felt empty and a darkness looming over her.

Then she thinks about the past couple of months and how they have given her some of that light back in her life.

“Yes.” She finally answers.

She couldn’t lie, even if it hurt him.

She watched Kaneki’s hand twitch beside him before curling into a fist. He then took a deep breath and walked out of the flat, slamming the door as he left.

Touka shut her eyes, fighting back the tears building up as she slid down the wall and to the floor.


	6. Part Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Touka makes a tough decision, but Kaneki comes in to confess something that makes her feel she finally trust him again.

“He’s basically stalking Touka.” Nishiki said to Yomo, who stood behind the counter stoned faced, but his eyes immediately fell on Touka.

Touka’s jaw clenched and she gave a dirty look to Nishiki for opening his mouth. “Remind me again why I haven’t fired you?”

“Hey, if anything I should be the manager around here.” He quipped.

Touka drew out a heavy sigh. She didn’t want Yomo to know too much because even she didn’t know what was really going on. But Yomo looked affected by what Nishiki had told him.

“You created :re for him to have a place to come back to, but you’ve invited something much more dangerous, Touka.” Yomo looked upset and worried.

“He’s right,” Nishiki spoke up as well. “He might look like Kaneki and he might say things that Kaneki would say, but it’s not really him.”

And Touka knew that everything Yomo and Nishiki were saying made complete sense, but she couldn’t let it go.

_Because what if…_

“What do you want me to do? Give up?” She asked even though she knew the answer. Of course that was the logical thing to do if she wanted to keep everyone and herself safe. If only it were that easy.

“You should leave.” Yomo suggested.

Touka and Nishiki both looked at him, completely taken aback by what he said.

“Wait, what?” Nishiki was completely baffled.

“I would go with her. I don’t want Touka to lose :re to the doves, like we lost Anteiku, and that’s exactly what will happen if she stays. They will come for her, for us. If Touka temporarily leaves, it might make him stop coming. Nishiki can tell him Touka has moved on and see if he takes the bait. A temporary fix until we can figure out what to do next.” Yomo explained.

It seemed to make sense. Like he said, a temporary fix. But Touka had a feeling Kaneki would never fall for it. If anything it might make things worse…

 _No, think about how it might help, try something!_ Touka told herself as she looked over at Nishiki. But he would be left alone…

———

“Are you going to do it?” Nishiki asked Touka once they were alone.

Yomo and Nishiki made it clear to Touka that the person who was following her was not Kaneki. Not anymore. That was something she had to get through her head.

“I’m too pathetic to put a stop to it myself, so maybe having Yomo drag me away from here for a while would help.” Her voice was so monotone. She was simply going with the motions. She didn’t want to accept losing Kaneki all over again, but what other choice did she have? She had to let go, even if it was by force.

“You’re not pathetic, Touka.” Nishiki reassured her. “It’s cruel what he’s doing to you, but I know it’s not easy letting go.”

“What would you do if you had Kimi showing up here without any memory, but she said and did things that reminded you of what you two had?” Her question had no ill intent, but somehow she knew just even mentioning Kimi’s name wasn’t easy.

Nishiki’s expression saddened and he looked away from Touka. “That’s not really a fair question…”

_Shit, he’s right._

“I’m sorry, I should have never…”

“I would stay.” Nishiki didn’t give Touka a chance to finish her sentence. He gave her his honest answer.

Touka looked at him, surprised by his reply. Nishiki looked at Touka with defeat all over his face, as if she had dug out a part of him he hid for so long. “You got me there, Touka. If I had Kimi walk through that door, after years of not seeing her, and even if I knew her intentions were to hurt me, because let’s face it I hurt her first, I would probably stay.” He added.

“Because you love her that much.” Touka smiled at him and he smiled back.

“Love makes you do the stupidest shit sometimes.” Nishiki took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. “But that said, just because I’d be stupid doesn’t mean I’d want you to do the same thing. You’re smarter than…me.” He cleared his throat. It was something he didn’t want to admit to, but she had to know.

Touka raised her brows, amused. “Please say that again. I want to hear loud and clear to remember the moment Nishiki Nishio admitted I was smarter than him.” She teased.

“Fuck you, I said it once and that’s it.” He couldn’t hide his laugh though.

Both of them stood there for a moment before Touka finally spoke up.

“I guess it’s been decided then. I should go.” It hurt her.

“We’ve got a good staff and I’ll make sure the shop doesn’t go down in flames, you won’t have anything to worry about.” He gave her a warm smile.

“But will  _you_  be okay?” She was worried about leaving him alone, especially if Kaneki came around. If more doves came…

“Don’t do that. I’ll be fine.” Nishiki put an arm around her over her shoulders, looking sure of himself that everything was going to be okay. “And Kaneki would be stupid to try anything with me.”

She hoped he was right.

———

Touka opened the door to her flat and saw someone who looked a little familiar sitting on her couch and eating some kind of stringy candy. It was a dove she had met before a while back at Anteiku.

_One of Shinohara’s investigators._

She never got his name, but she still remembered him, even with his black hair and attire. And he still had the red stitches all over him, something she’d never forget.

She walked into her flat, shutting the door behind her.

The young man’s head turned to face her with some candy hanging from his mouth, which he was quick to eat before standing up. He looked at her with a curious look on his face.

“Have we met before?” He asked licking his lips. But then his eyes widened, as a lightbulb went off in his head. “Ohhh yeah! You used to work at that other shop with the really good sandwiches!”

Touka swallowed hard and kept absolutely still.

Was he here to kill her?

She began thinking of her options. If he was an inexperienced dove she might be able to take him on and win, but somehow she felt that despite how fragile he looked, he had plenty of ghoul blood on his hands.

Touch could feel her eyes go kakugan, but before she could let her ukaku flare, the man held up his hands to show he meant no  harm.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you. I can’t. I don’t have the orders to do so.” The man said with a smile.

_Never trust a dove._

“You don’t have orders to kill me?” She asked, still ready for a fight. She was a little surprised because why would he be here then if he wasn’t going to kill her?

“Nope.” He rocked on his feet, crossing his arms behind him. Posing no threat. Yet…

“Who’s orders do you follow?” She had a feeling she knew the answer.

“Haise’s.” Haise Sasaki. Touka had fond memories of Kaneki when he came into the shop as Haise. That was when Kaneki was more like himself unlike how he was acting now. “He’s been very specific about you being left untouched though.”

Touka rubbed her forehead, feeling the anger boil up.

“That’s comforting.”

Then that’s when Kaneki walked out of the hall. Was he in her room?!

Kaneki’s eyes fell on Touka and he put on a charming smile that didn’t work on Touka. Not anymore.

“Juuzou, keep an eye out.” Kaneki told his subordinate.

“Sure thing.” Juuzou gave him a salute walked over to towards the front door, walking right by Touka. “Nice meeting you!” And like that he was gone. Touka turned to look at Kaneki who was already slipping off his black coat and laying it over the headrest of her couch.

“He’s something else.” She nodded her head to her front door, talking about Juuzou.

Kaneki nodded in agreement. “He is, but he’s loyal.”

Touka crossed her arms and kept a stoic expression on her face.

“What’s with the stalker tendencies?” She bluntly asked.

He flinched. “I’m not stalk…” He tried to hold back his chuckle as he rubbed his chin. “It’s complicated.”

“Bullshit.” Her jaw clenched. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“Why?” His brows furrowed.

_Are you kidding me?_

“It’s pretty obvious why.”

Kaneki blinked a few times.“You’re safe, Touka.”

Touka started to laugh. This whole situation was so far off the fucked up scale, she couldn’t believe it. “Safe? For how long? You’re a fucking dove!”

He looked at her as if she had wounded him. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

She shook her head at him. “Don’t you get it? You already are, Kaneki.”

Kaneki looked away from her and got lost in his own thoughts.

She saw his head twitch slightly. “So, that is really my name…” He let out softly. She could see he was at odds with himself, some internal struggle that was affecting him so much he had to sit down. He had gone around the couch and sat on the very edge, holding his head between his hands.

Was it real or was he putting on an act?

She took a deep breath and sat on the opposite end of the couch, not wanting to get too close.

“Do you remember anything?  _Anything_  at all?” She asked him.

“No…I mean, in a way yes…it’s hard to explain.” He covered his face and almost looked like he was clawing at himself.

Touka was tired of having to deal with this. She had to let Kaneki know what he was doing to her even if that meant revealing her weakness for him. She knew he could very well exploit her feelings. Fuck it.

“It’s been almost a year since you walked out of my life for the second time. Each time you’ve left I’ve been left to wonder did I do or say something wrong that pushed you to walk away from everything and everyone you ever knew. I know they did something to you that made you become this way and I hate it. They took you away from…me.”

“You were Ken Kaneki, then Haise Sasaki…and now someone else completely.” There was so much emotion in Touka’s voice that it caught Kaneki’s attention. He stared at her as she fought to hold back tears. “You have no idea how painful it is to see someone you loved forget you and then watch them get praised in public for doing some of the most horrendous things that you never thought that person would ever do. And all I’ve been doing is trying to let go, but you’ve been making that so fucking impossible.” And that’s when the tears began to flow.

She watched as Kaneki slid off the couch and onto his knees, crawling over towards her until he was between her legs.

This was exactly what she didn’t want. She didn’t want him near her. Every time he got close to her he somehow became her undoing. Kaneki slumped over, resting his forehead in her lap and his hands grabbed her hips.

“I can’t remember anything and I wish I could, but  _they_  prefer that I don’t remember anything. It makes it easier to do my job. I let them control me. But every time I see you…every time I’m near you…I feel something I can’t explain. It’s like something inside me fights to keep you close and I know it’s wrong.” At this point he was already crying into her lap and his grip over her hips tightened so much it hurt her. “It’s driving me insane! I can’t stand this! I can’t!” He screamed.

Touka’s hands hovered over Kaneki, unsure of whether to comfort him or push him away. She couldn’t trust him, but it broke her heart even more to see him like this. His whole body shook from his crying but it was when she finally touched him, running her fingers through his dark hair behind his head, that he went still.

He looked up at her with sad, bloodshot eyes that were silently pleading her for something more. But once again, she thought about Yomo and Nishiki’s words, reminding herself of what she already knew, that he looked and sounded like the Kaneki she once knew, but it was no longer him.

Touka turned away from him. “Please leave…” She struggled to get those two words out of her mouth and her body screamed at her when she got up and walked away from him. She never looked back to see him, knowing that he must have been looking hurt or upset. She could only hope he would take the hint and leave.

She walked into her room, but then she felt arms wrap around her waist from behind. Kaneki didn’t leave. He wasn’t going to leave until he had her. She felt herself be brought against him, feeling his lips find a way a spot on the side of her neck and his soft breath making her shiver.

But he was quick to turn her around so he could face her. He cupped her face in his hands and he silent begged her to let this continue, even if it felt all wrong.

“Can I kiss you?” Kaneki asked in such a desperate way that Touka fought herself to put her foot down.

_Don’t let him win._

He had been staring hungrily at her lips, wanting feel them and taste them, but then he brought his eyes back up at hers. She was done for at that moment when she could see a glint of the Kaneki she once knew.

_My Kaneki._

Touka couldn’t say no, but she also couldn’t form the word yes. All she could do was give a small nod. And in an instant his lips covered hers. He captured the gasp that escaped from her and both of them wrapped their arms around each other in a tight embrace.

Their kiss was soft and careful at first, as if they were kissing for the very first time, until the familiarity of each other’s mouths washed over them and their kiss deepened. Passionately. Urgently.

They fell back onto the bed, with Kaneki easily finding himself between her legs. She arched herself into him as his lips trailed off her lips and down the side of her jaw. Her chin. Her throat. Feeling his tongue lightly taste her as he did so.

He then brought himself back to face her, completely out of breath and lust taking over his eyes.

“I’m going to ruin you.” He warned her.

It didn’t matter anymore.

“I know.” She let out breathlessly.

And somehow she knew he didn’t just mean now, but he also meant ruining her life.

She accepted that fate.


	7. Part Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Touka has made a huge mistake and runs to the only person who can keep her from completely losing her mind. (Kaneki x Touka NSFW moment & Nishiki x Touka NSFW moment)

Kaneki smiled at Touka before crashing down to kiss her again, kissing her as if his life had somehow depended on it.

Touka smiled against his lips, feeling like it was back to how it used to be, what she wanted it to be. She had missed him so much.

He pulled away briefly to sit up and start to undo his red tie, but for some reason struggled with it. Touka couldn’t hold back looking amused. She sat up to help him, slowly undoing the knot until it was completely loose and she pulled it off his neck. He gave her a thankful smile and started to undo the buttons of his black shirt, but she stopped him, optioning to do it herself as well.

Now there was amusement on his face.

Kaneki sat back on his heels, watching Touka intently as she undid every single button. Once she was done she let his shirt hang open for a moment before placing her hands on his bare chest, letting her fingers press into his skin and moving them slowly down. The last time she had touched him he had formed some muscle, but now…

“I’ve changed, haven’t I?” Kaneki asked with a sly smile as Touka’s fingers lingered over his defined abs. She finally looked up at him and only gave him a nod.

He started to slip off his shirt, throwing it off to the side and then worked on getting his red gloves off as Touka worked on undoing his slacks that already had a bulge inside them.

She looked up at him as she slid her hand inside his open slacks, slipping into his briefs and finding his hardness. He hissed at her when he felt her hand run along his length, as if she was trying to feel how long he was until wrapping her hand around him to feel how thick he was.

He felt so good in her hand.

For Touka this was what she had yearned for. Three years had been too long…

“Don’t start something you can’t finish, Touka-chan.” He groaned, feeling her hand stroke him.

She leaned into his ear. “You’re finishing inside me.”

“You’re right, I am.” Kaneki gave her a wicked grin as he quickly went into helping remove her clothes and once she was left in just her bra and panties, he reached up behind her to undo her bra with ease. She was a little impressed since that was something he struggled with years ago…

Once her bra was off Kaneki didn’t hold himself back, he went in cupping each breast in his hands, brushing the pads of his thumbs on each perked nipple and then kneading them. But then he leaned down to take one of her nipples into his mouth, gently sucking on it before roughly pinching it between his teeth and tugging on it.

Touka let out a loud moan, looking down at him as he gave that same kind of attention to her other breast. His eyes looking darkly up at her and she could see him give her smile that made her skin flush even more. She was soon pushed back down on the bed by him.

He was so bold now…

No fear…

She liked it.

She watched as Kaneki slipped out of the remainder of his clothes and couldn’t help stare at his fully erect cock that almost reached his navel. She could feel her core quiver from anticipation and from the memory of having him inside her…

Kaneki found it amusing to see Touka so entranced by him, but he had to admit he was under her spell as well. He reached down to grab the hem of her panties and swiftly took them off. She spread her legs for him, baring herself to him in more ways than one.

His eyes were fixated between her legs, making him ache.

He grabbed a hold of her hips and pulled her down closer to him, surprising her. He placed her thighs over his and wasted no time in letting a couple of fingers stroke her slick folds.

Touka gasped when his thumb started to stroke her clit.

His eyes finally looked up to find hers.

“Do you miss this? Do you miss me touching you, Touka-chan?” He asked her as he stroked her folds, coating her even more with her wetness.

“Yes.” She sighed.

“I missed it too, Touka-chan.” He leaned down and kissed her delicately. He then removed his fingers from her so his could guide the throbbing head of his cock to her entrance, feeling her quake as he started his entry.

She had to pull away, sinking her head into the bed as her mouth gaped open and soft mewls came out of her. She could feel him painfully stretching her wide. He was moving achingly slow so she was fully aware of every inch entering her.

They both sighed when he was fully deep inside her.

Kaneki stilled, letting himself enjoy how well Touka’s walls hugged him and she relished in feeling him inside her once more. Both of them unable to ignore how perfect they fit together, as if they had always been made for each other.

They stared at each other, breathing heavily but in unison.

There was a flicker in Kaneki’s eyes and Touka noticed it right away.

“What is it?” She asked softly.

“I—I feel like I’m starting to remember…” He frowned.

Touka took his face in her hands and pulled him down to her. “It’s okay to remember.” She told him before kissing him. He reached up to stroke her cheek with his thumb and began to thrust in and out of her at a slow, but strong pace.

Their breaths becoming uncontrolled as his thrusts became faster and harder. He had one arm under her head while his free hand held on to her hip, feeling her try to match up with his thrusts.

She shut her eyes tightly, whimpering with every movement of his hips. He watched her with groans emitting deep from his chest, capturing every contortion of her beautiful face as if he was trying to soak in every detail about her.

But he wondered.

He wasn’t the only one to see her in this state of bliss…

“Does  _he_  make you feel like this?” He asked hoarsely. Touka’s eyes snapped open. He looked intense with emotion. She couldn’t believe Kaneki asked such a thing, but she wasn’t going to indulge him. She covered his mouth with hers, trying to make him forget and think about this moment right now. He dropped it.

Kaneki changed his angle just slightly, enough to get Touka writhing underneath him. She was close.

“Kan—ah—eki.” She panted.

He changed his pace to the point where he was barely moving, to tease her. “What do you want Touka-chan?” He asked.

Touka’s entire body was shaking with anticipation, wanting her orgasm.

“I—I…ahhh…want y—ou.” She panted and it was what he needed to hear as moved again. His movements were messy, but still deep as he felt his own release building up as well.

But it only took a few more thrusts for them to come together. She cried out his name as her walls spasmed violently around him. Her whole body was sent into a quivering state as he cursed and grunted out her name over and over.

He came deep inside her, filling her up with pulses of thick, hot seed that she hungrily milked from him. His hips were still moving, riding out the last bit of his own orgasm before collapsing on top of her.

Both of them struggled to find control over their breathing, but found solace in each others arms.

It took a a good few minutes for Kaneki to push himself off Touka, falling to his side next to her, but made her follow him to keep themselves linked even as he began to soften.

“Did it feel like how it used to be?” He asked, pushing away some strands of hair off her damp forehead.

Touka could barely think as her body and mind were still recuperating. But she managed to find some strength to speak.

“Better.” She smiled.

His eyes bore into hers. “Are you happy?” She hadn’t expected that question, but after hearing what he had said and how everything felt…she could say she was. If this meant finally having Kaneki back…

“If this means what I think it does, then yes, I’m happy.” She answered him.

There was a smug look on his face. “Good.”

———

Touka awoke to an empty bed. Kaneki was nowhere in sight.

She stretched in bed, feeling as though a huge dark cloud had gone away.

It finally felt as though things were now getting better. Becoming what she had hoped they would be. Getting closer to being complete.

Touka could hear Kaneki’s voice from the living room.

She got up without attempting to get dressed, maybe to try and surprise him. But as she got closer to the door she realized he was having an intense conversation, a conversation she wasn’t meant to listen to.

Touka peeked through the crack of the door, seeing for a brief moment Kaneki pacing around in just his slacks and holding a cellphone to his ear.

She pressed her ear closer to the cracked open part of her door, overhearing Kaneki speaking to someone over the phone. Even though she couldn’t hear the other end, what she could hear was eye opening and chilling…

“Yes, everything is under control…I am in control…I gathered some very interesting information…No, sir, she doesn’t suspect a thing…But I still have ownership ov—…yes, I understand…I will use him against her if I have to…make it for both…it will be soon…roger that.”

Touka placed a hand over her chest. Her heart ached with every racing beat. Even after what they did, after thinking maybe she had gotten through to him…he was still a dove. Still so cold.

She began picking her clothes off the floor and quickly got dressed. She wanted to leave. Now.

“Touka-chan? What are you doing?” Kaneki popped up behind her again out of nowhere, wrapping his arms around her tightly and snuggling into her neck, kissing her softly.

She felt her skin crawl.

“I forgot I have to do something at the shop.” She lied, squirming away from him to continue getting dressed. Kaneki sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed and scratching the back of his head.

“You’re lying to me.” He looked up at her with a coldness in his eyes that actually frightened her. “You’re going to go see him? Nishio?”

_Stay defiant. He does not have control._

“No, I’m not. Why does it even matter if I was? He’s my friend.”

“That you fuck.” His tone was bitter.

“It’s really none of your damn business.”

“It’s very much my business, Kirishima.” He had never called her by her last name. The way he said it…

She shivered.

“You know it’s only temporary, right?” He had to hit her where it hurt. He just had to remind her that whatever happiness she felt it was always going to be taken away from her. Maybe it was payback for what she had told him or maybe it was just him being the true asshole that he was.

Touka looked at him unfazed.

“Yeah, I know, but it’s the only thing I have to keep me from missing you.”  _And I’m holding on to it as long as I can._

She stormed out.

———

Touka frantically knocked on Nishiki’s door, hoping he was home. Lately he had been spending his nights out doing something she didn’t know anything about it. But she hoped he’d be home by now.

_Please. I need you._

She cursed to herself for even feeling that way, but like she told Kaneki, Nishiki was all she had to keep her from falling apart. And she knew it wasn’t right, but she didn’t care.

Finally the door opened.

“Touka?” Nishiki’s fingers slipped under his glasses to rub his blurry eyes. But he immediately noticed how distraught she looked and grabbed her wrist, pulling her into his flat.

She was shaking.

“I slipped up. I fucking slipped up.” She covered her face, fighting back tears.

“What do you mean? Slipped up how?” He asked rubbing her back.

“I slept with him!” She let out almost in a hysterical laugh from her stupidity.

Nishiki sighed. He couldn’t say he was surprised.  

“Hey, it’s okay.” He said trying to pull her in for a hug, but she pulled away from him.

“It’s not okay! He used me…” She wrapped her arms around herself, feeling Kaneki’s touch…his kisses…all of it still lingering over her. She felt sick.

It all started to hit her. She had been feeding Kaneki, now just a complete stranger in his skin, everything he needed to get to her. Asking if it felt like how it used to be…it was a trick.

Everything he had said was everything she had wanted to hear from him. It was all a lie.

The sickness she was feeling started to get worse. She needed to wash him off her…out of her…

“I need a shower…” She bolted for the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.

Nishiki let out another heavy sigh, disappointed in the situation and feeling an overwhelming desire to kill Kaneki for the hell he was putting Touka through. Kaneki knew exactly what to do to hook her in and it was sickening to Nishiki.

He waited on the couch for Touka come out of the bathroom. But a few minutes passed, then fifteen minutes, then thirty. He started to worry and finally got up to check on her.

He knock on the bathroom door. “Touka, are you okay?” He asked.

No answer.

He could hear the shower going. “Touka?” He tried again a little bit louder.

No answer.

Nishiki took a deep breath and reached for the doorknob, cracking the door open little by little before sticking his head inside.

“Touka?” But he couldn’t see her.

He wasn’t sure if he should leave her alone or not, and he knew he couldn’t just sit around.

Nishiki walked over to the shower and pulled the shower curtain slightly, trying to see if she was okay. His eyes fell down to bottom of the bathtub where Touka sat, hugging her legs up to her chest. Even with the water splashing over her he could tell she was crying.

He reached over to turn off the shower, opened the curtain all the way, and grabbed a clean towel nearby. He held it wide open in front of Touka.

“Come on.” He let out sternly. “You’re not going to let this control you, Touka.” He wasn’t going to let her sulk. She was stronger than this.

 _‘I’m going to ruin you.’_  Kaneki’s words echoed in her mind.

How could she allow him to succeed in that?

Touka looked up at Nishiki, seeing how serious he was. It made her snap out of the trance she was in.

She rubbed her face and eyes before standing up and having Nishiki wrap the towel around her as she stepped out of the shower. She wrapped the towel around herself as he nudged her to start walking, grabbing another towel as he did so. He guided her to his bedroom and then over to his bed that was always a mess. He sat her down and started to rub the dry towel over her wet hair, trying to dry a little bit.

“You’ll stay here tonight. I’ll call Yomo in the morning and if I have to go pack your things, I will. You’re not going back to your place. It’s not safe with that  _dove_  around. Okay?” Nishiki knelt down in front of Touka, making her see him. She looked so out of it, but she nodded at him.

Nishiki stood up, getting ready to leave, but he felt Touka grab his hand.

“Can you stay?” She asked, tightening the towel around her with her other hand.

He had his doubts, but he didn’t stand there to debate it.

“Yeah, sure.” He said. He removed his glasses and set them on the nightstand.

Touka scooted her way towards one side of the bed to lay down on her side with Nishiki laying down on his side as well, facing her back.

There was a small gap between them.

And silence.

But both their minds were loud with their own thoughts and none of them were good.

Just when Nishiki was about to turn around, he saw Touka throw her arm behind her and searched for his hand. Once she did, she took a hold of it and brought it over her hip, then inched it down into an opening of her towel.

He could feel his hand between her thighs.

He stilled.

Touka wanted to forget what happened. She wanted to undo what she had given Kaneki.

_If I could erase him…_

Touka turned herself slightly to face Nishiki, her eyes locking onto his and silently urging him on. He wasn’t so sure this was the right time for it, but he couldn’t say no to her.

This is what they did when they were consumed by emotions they didn’t want to feel. Replacing them with another feeling that made them feel good. Even just temporary.

He scooted closer to her, pressing himself against her as his hand went in deeper between her legs and his fingers finding her slick folds. He couldn’t help himself in getting a good feel at how wet she was. It always drove him wild with lust.

She gasped at the feeling of his fingers working her clit in soft pressured strokes. He got her moaning in no time, something he always enjoyed hearing. He kept his eyes intently on her, quickening his strokes and feeling himself getting hard. She could feel him growing against her backside and she instinctively pressed herself against him, making him groan.

He slipped two of his long fingers into her, making her sigh as her hips began to move against them as his thumb continued to apply sweet pressure on her clit. He knew exactly how to get her to the edge.

Nishiki leaned into the crook of her neck and started to kiss her, as his fingers pumped in and out of her, making her moan with every breath she let out. He couldn’t help the groan that came out of him, loving how she felt around his fingers and making him want to hurry so he could feel her around his cock, but he needed to make this last. For her.

But all he had to do was curve his fingers inside her, hitting a special spot he knew too well, to make her come undone.

Touka let out a choked cry as she came, her walls clamping down on his fingers and her whole body tensing from the orgasm that hit her. He continued to slowly pump his fingers inside her, enjoying the feeling of her walls spasming around him and letting her ride out her release.

Touka shut her eyes, letting her mind swirl as Nishiki breathed heavily against her neck. He removed his fingers and his hand from her, placing it over her towel covered hip and waited for a moment.

“Touka?” He whispered, his voice strained with urgency.

“Do it.” She told him as she started to hitch up her towel for him.

Nishiki pushed down his pants low enough to release himself and wasted no time in guiding the head of his cock to her swollen entrance. He slowly eased himself into her before pushing himself all the way inside her, making them both gasp.

He held himself up on one elbow, shifting himself so he could hover over her slightly as she turned to face him a little bit better.

She gripped the sheets tightly as he began to thrust into her at a slow and deep pace, moaning softly at how good it felt to be filled by him. He held a tight grip of her hip as his thrusts quickened.

His face is just inches away from hers. She reaches up to bring him down closer and he initiates a kiss between them.

She kisses him back fervently, moaning into each other’s mouths.

After their first time together they hadn’t really kissed. Not like this. Not this affectionately.

Was it because she was leaving?

It didn’t matter.

She breaks away from him, her breathing becoming more erratic as she feels herself getting close to another orgasm. He can feel it too. His lips fall back to the side of her neck, groaning into her skin.

His fingers find their way back to her clit, working her with pressured circular motions that pushes her to the edge.

She comes. Hard. Her back arches into him and her walls throb around him, enough to make him come as well. But as he tries to pull out, she throws her hand back, latching onto his hip and making it known she wants him to stay.

“P—please.” Touka mewled. There’s no time to fight it. His eyes shut tightly as he comes inside her, groaning in her shoulder as he feels himself spurting deep inside her, filling her up.

She sighs heavily, feeling satisfied. She no longer felt Kaneki…

Nishiki pulled out of her, falling onto his back on the bed, trying to regain composure. Touka also flipped over onto her back, feeling his essence start to seep out of her, but she wanted that reminder.

“I guess that was a goodbye round, huh?” Touka asked.

Nishiki threw an arm up over his eyes.

“No, it’s not goodbye, Touka.” He sighed. 

It wasn’t goodbye.

_What a mess this had become._

“What do you think is going to happen?” she asked, curious to know what his thoughts were.

Nishiki removed his arm from his eyes and turned to her, looking determined.

“Whatever he has planned, it’s going to fail. I guarantee that.” He said.


	8. Part Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s come down to this moment. Kaneki and Nishiki clashing and things get worse when Touka shows up.

Yomo had made the arrangements to get Touka away from Kaneki’s radar, hours away and try to gather a group together. Hoping to find Aogiri to bring back Ayato and Hinami, if that was at all possible.

Nishiki had done what he said he would, having gone back to her place to gather some of her things and found no sign of Kaneki, even though he was itching to have a one on one with him.

Touka though had been unsure of this plan, knowing that once Kaneki realized she was gone he would go through all the trouble in the world to find her, especially if his plans involved in her capture.

_How did it come to this?_

She wished she could see Ayato…Hinami…

She hope they were okay, wherever they were. And she was thankful to have had Yomo with her, the one person who fully supported her decision to create :re, but now she wondered if she had become a disappointment to him after letting Kaneki become her biggest weakness.

On top of that she was now leaving behind the only other person who had been at her side these past few years. The one person who kept her on her toes.

She never expected Nishiki becoming a big part of her life…

When it was time to finally leave, Touka hugged Nishiki tightly and he hugged her back just as much, but they never said a word to one another.

_It’s not goodbye._

And then just like that she was gone.

Over the course of a few of weeks Nishiki kept :re up and running as if nothing had changed. Though it was quiet without anyone to annoy, without someone to tell him how shitty his coffee was, and without someone to distract him.

He had zero contact with Yomo or Touka, and as much as he wanted to know how they were doing, he knew it was best that he had no communication with them. There was a deal, if anything seemed out of control, they would find a way to contact each other. But Nishiki wasn’t having any issues, not yet at least.

But he had seen Kaneki twice at :re since Touka left.

The first time, Kaneki walked in alone, taking a seat at a table and waited. But when a barista went up to take his order, and it wasn’t Touka, he looked disappointed and left.

The second time, Kaneki walked in and only looked around, letting his nose test the air of the shop, no doubt trying to see if Touka had been there lately. But his sights landed on Nishiki. Both of them exchanged glares with Kaneki almost looking like he was going to charge after him. He never did though and simply turned around and left.

Nishiki knew Kaneki was on a mission to find her, but he never would. He was sure of it.

After another week past, with Kaneki not showing himself again, Nishiki couldn’t help but feel a little unsettled by it. He had a bad feeling brewing deep in the pit of his stomach. He was actually…worried.

———

Nishiki locked up :re and headed out the back way to avoid the dove that sat in a car parked out front. He knew he was being watched and knew it was by one of Kaneki’s subordinates that had been sent to watch the place and maybe even keep a tail on him, but he was in no mood to indulge the dove tonight.

But as soon as Nishiki began walking down the alley, he felt eyes fall on him from behind.

He sighed, knowing exactly who it was and slowly turned around to face him.

“Nishio.” Kaneki greeted, standing maybe twenty feet away with his hands down at his sides and already curled into fists. His eyes were set on Nishiki as he quirked a half smile at him.

_Here we go…_

“Kaneki.” Nishiki slipped his hands into his pockets and took a deep breath, already knowing where this was headed.

“Where is she?” Kaneki asked, getting straight to business.

Nishiki frowned, looking confused. “Who?”

“Don’t fucking do that.” Kaneki snapped.

“You’re going to have to be specific, Kaneki. I know quite a few women.” Nishiki gave a sly smile.

“Touka, Nishio. Where is she?” Kaneki was grinding his teeth. “She’s really good at hiding, I’ll give her that, but I know you two are…close.”

Nishiki shut his eyes and took a hand out of his pocket, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He was already tired of this. “You’re so completely clueless.” He muttered.

“Stop fucking around, Nishio. Just tell me where she is and maybe you’ll make it out of this alive.” A corner of Kaneki’s mouth twitched, as if he was hoping Nishiki would make the wrong move.

“You already know that I won’t give you shit. Are you really that stupid to start a fight with me?”

Suddenly Kaneki’s kagune emerged from behind him, a tentacle shooting straight at Nishiki, who was quick to dodge it. Testing him.

Nishiki sighed. “Yeah, I thought so.”

Kaneki’s kagune burst into four tentacles, as Nishiki took off his glasses and slipped them in one of his back pockets before letting his bikaku show itself.

It was the start to a battle they had once before, but this time around they both had grown in skill and strategy levels.

Nishiki was quick to dodge most of Kaneki’s attempts and vice versa, but Nishiki did manage to get his bikaku around his leg and got in one good kick to Kaneki’s face, sending him flying through the air, but he his rinkaku flared, digging his tentacles into the concrete floor and caught him before he could hit the ground.

“You’ve improved, Nishio.” Kaneki said, letting his tongue run over his lower lip, tasting his own blood.

“In more ways than one. I wish I could say the same about you.” He countered. Kaneki’s lips twitched as he let his kagune disappear for a moment. He slowly paced around Nishiki, watching his steps as he started to rub the back of his neck.

Nishiki kept full attention on him, knowing not to let his guard down.

He wished things could be different. Easier. Better.

But this was not the Kaneki he knew, that anyone knew. He was a shell. He was someone else controlled by whatever lies the CCG had put in his head, even though maybe there was some of his old self lingering. But not the good side.

“Why?” Kaneki asked. Nishiki knew what he was talking about. He knew it was bound to be brought up. Even he sometimes couldn’t believe what happened with Touka, bu it was never meant to hurt anyone.

It was temporary…

“She’s in pain. And this,” Nishiki held a hand out, motioning over Kaneki. “Is hurting her even more.” The shove and pull game with her emotions had to stop. Kaneki had to either give her up or actually try to come back. He couldn’t have two lives.

Kaneki stood still and just stared at Nishiki with rage boiling up behind his eyes.

“Do you love her?” Kaneki demanded.

“Do I really need to answer that?” Nishiki couldn’t believe he would even ask that. It didn’t matter.

“She’s supposed to be with me…”

“Then fucking do something about it, Kaneki!” Nishiki was talking about being a dove. “If you really care about getting her back, you have to stop being part of the problem. Being a dove, being a killer…that’s not you.”

Something about what Nishiki said triggered something inside Kaneki and not in a good way. Nishiki could actually see the moment when Kaneki’s demeanor changed, making him look like a completely different person. A darker part of himself. …

“Stop being an investigator? But I’m happy there. I’m good at something there. I’m better because of them,” Kaneki’s kagune flared once again, but this time he was putting it on display, showing off just how well he had control over it. “I’m stronger than ever before. I can finally protect what is mine.”

It was all about control.

Nishiki could see why Touka struggled with him. Kaneki was good at playing a part.

_He’s fucking lost it._

Kaneki then flashed Nishiki a grin that was very unsettling. This was going to get a lot worse.

“You know, I wonder if I went to go pay Kimi a visit, how that would go.” Kaneki’s eyes looked over to catch Nishiki’s reaction, which was only him clenching his jaw. He had hoped it would get a stronger reaction than that. He was just going to have to keep pushing. “She’s still at Kami, right?”

_What the hell happened to him?_

“I wouldn’t know. It’s been years since I’ve seen her.” Nishiki said through clenched teeth. He knew Kaneki would try something again, but he never thought he would stoop this low to bring up Kimi, to threaten her.

“But you’re still  _attached_  to her, right?” Kaneki asked as he laced his fingers together and stretched his arms out, cracking his knuckles. “Make the choice, Nishio. Kimi or Touka.”

Nishiki started to laugh in disbelief. “You really are an asshole.”

Kaneki looked bored. “I’m waiting for your answer.”

_Fuck this game._

“Fuck you, Kaneki. I’m not choosing.” Nishiki stood his ground.

“Well, that’s disappointing.” Kaneki sighed as he distracted Nishiki by throwing a kick that he had to block, but in doing so one of Kaneki’s tentacles shot from underneath, stabbing Nishiki straight through his abdomen. Kaneki lifted his body a couple of feet up off the floor and pushed him straight into a wall, piercing through it to keep him pinned.

Nishiki coughed up blood as Kaneki made his kagune thicken to widen the wound and if he continued he would rip him in half. There was no way of Nishiki being able to use his kagune against him.

“See, all you had to do was tell me where Touka is and you wouldn’t be in this situation.” Kaneki walked up to Nishiki, looking up at him as he continued to cough up blood, his whole chin dripping with it. Kaneki clearly could see he had wounded Nishiki severely, but didn’t care. At all. “Wipe the blood off your face, you’re embarrassing yourself, Nishio.”

Nishiki felt numb. This was not good.

_Kimi. Touka. Just let them be safe…_

“Tell me, Nishio, was she worth your life?” Kaneki continued to twist his kagune, making Nishiki’s eyes roll back into his head.

But then…

“Kaneki!” Kaneki turned to his head slightly, catching a glimpse of Touka down the alley. “Get away from him!” She spat.

“Don’t interfere with my work, Kirishima.” Kaneki let out.

Touka could feel rage flood in her. This was it. This was the last straw. She let her ukaku flare, catching both Kaneki and Nishiki’s attention. Both her wings were bright, massive, and angry.

She was hypnotizing.

“I said, get away from him!” Touka shouted, letting her ukaku crystallize and shooting projectiles, aiming them at Kaneki, who tried to block them with his rinkaku but a few of the projectiles hit his leg, waist, and arm. It caused him to break away from Nishiki, letting him fall to the floor as Kaneki retreated.

Touka ran over to Nishiki, seeing a massive hole through his abdomen.

“Wh—what are…you doing?” Nishiki struggled to get his words out. “Get out…of here!”

There was so much blood.

“I’m not leaving you like this.” Touka said. She continued to let her ukaku flare as she turned to look over at Kaneki who was pulling out the last of the projectiles that had manage to get stuck in him. “I can handle this.” She let out, stand up and readying herself to battle Kaneki.

She never thought she would ever come to this. This was a nightmare come true.

Kaneki looked over at Touka with a look of disbelief and sadness all over his face, as if he couldn’t believe she would attack him. That she would try to save Nishiki. To Kaneki it was clear who she cared about more.

Touka’s attention was diverted down the alley where she saw a shadow of someone welding a scythe. She then heard a pop of gum and knew exactly who it was.

 _Juuzou_.

Touka knew that facing off with both Juuzou and Kaneki, she was putting herself in a losing battle, but she had a trick up her sleeve.

She looked back over at Kaneki who had fully recovered.

“Juuzou. Kill the Serpent.” Kaneki coldly gave Juuzou his order.

“Roger!” Juuzou popped his gum again, putting on a smile as well as he walked over to a still down Nishiki. Touka stood directly in his way.

“You want to get to him, you’ll have to go through me first,” She said defiantly. “But you still have strict orders to not touch me, isn’t that right Juuzou?”

Juuzou cocked his head to the side, thinking about what she said.

“Tricky.” He let out as he turned to Kaneki. “Boss? She does have a point.”

Kaneki kept his eyes on Touka, somehow wishing she would just let him do his job. “Touka, step aside.”

Her ukaku flared even more brightly. “No.”

“Please, please Touka.” Now he was begging.

“I said no, Black Reaper.” She called him by who he really was. Kaneki’s hand twitched. “Drop the order and just leave us alone.”

“You know I can’t do that.” He sounded bitter. “Juuzou, you still have your order. I’ll take care of her.” Take care of her? TAKE CARE OF HER?

Touka watched Juuzou made his move to get closer to Nishiki, but she boldly decided to take him on herself. Her ukaku crystallized and she sent projectiles his way. He was still only human and If she could get a good hit on him…

Suddenly she felt a violent shudder hit her followed by a searing pains throughout her body. She started coughing up blood. It was only when she tried lifting her hand to cover her mouth that she looked down as saw herself pierced by Kaneki’s rinkaku. She had been hit in four different areas. Two tentacles had gone through her shoulders, another had gone through her thigh, and the last one had gone through the side of her abdomen.  

She couldn’t even process what had happened.

How this could happen.

Kaneki did the one thing she thought he would never do, no matter how much he wasn’t himself. He actually hurt her. He meant to hurt her.

Touka wrapped her hands around the tentacle that had pierced the side of her abdomen, using all the strength she had left to pry it out of her.

_Not there…_

Kaneki’s eyes went wide with the sudden realization of what he had just done.

“Touka…” He let out barely above a whisper, feeling tears fill his eyes.

He immediately removed his tentacles from her and she fell down to her knees.

“Touka…” He ran to her, falling to his knees in front of her. He reached out for her, but she pulled away.

“Don’t touch me.” Her black and red eyes looked up at his, making him see the rage in them. “You’re dead to me.”

Complete devastation. That’s what he felt when he heard those words come out of Touka’s mouth.

“Boss?” Juuzou seemed a little in shock over what had just happened, not expecting Kaneki to do what he did when he had made it so clear she was never to be hurt.

“Fall back, Juuzou…” Kaneki stood up “Touka, I—I’m so sorry…” He forced himself away from her, running down the alley with Juuzou in tow.

Touka somehow got the strength to push herself up and walk over to Nishiki, who was still hurt, but at least he was healing. She collapsed next to him, leaning up against the brick wall as she kept her hand over her stomach, waiting for her healing to finish. It was painfully slow though. She was already so weak…

She started to cry.

She wished she had never met Kaneki.


	9. Part Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s all about picking up the pieces in the aftermath of the damage caused by Kaneki…but a new revelation might make Touka have to deal with him again.

Touka awoke to find herself in an all too familiar room. Nishiki’s room. And in Nishiki’s bed. The sunlight hitting her through the window was blinding, but comforting as it kept her warm. She didn’t know how long she had been out and she felt a little groggy, but she could remember everything that led her to be here.

She could still picture it and feel it. Everything Kaneki had said and done. Nothing could make her forget. Nothing could undo what Kaneki had done to her.

She felt her stomach throb.

Touka made herself sit up in bed and she soon found Yomo standing by the door, with his arms crossed and looking very upset. And he had every right to be.

“Y—Yomo…” Her voice was shaky.

“You can be very sneaky, and yet, incredibly predictable sometimes, Touka.” He sighed, clenching his jaw.

“I had to. I’m sorry.” Touka looked down at her fidgeting fingers.

“You’ve always been one to do whatever you want. You’ve always made your own decisions and always learned the hard way if those decisions had consequences. But this…” Yomo trailed off, as if the thought of anything worse than what had already happened to her, was too much to bear.

She almost felt like a child again when Yomo would scold her. This was worse though. It hurt seeing him in pain. He didn’t deserve this.

“This is how it’s going to be, Touka,” Yomo gave her a stern look. “We’re leaving as soon as you are well enough. Permanently. That’s final.”

Touka’s heart dropped. The thought of leaving…losing :re…

All her fault.

“Just us?” Her voice was small.

“I will try to track down Ayato and Hinami, let them know of the plan.” Yomo walked over to her, checking on her still healing wounds.

And Nishiki? No, it wasn’t fair to make him follow them because of her own mistakes. It would have to be his decision. And part of her believed he would move on, find somewhere else to go and be far,  _far_  away from this mess. She couldn’t blame him. In fact, she hoped he would be better off without her near him.

“Is this punishment?” Touka asked out loud, not talking about what Yomo had planned, but because of everything that had happened with Kaneki. Was all this punishment for her decision to hold onto him? But Yomo took the question as if it were directed towards him.

“Touka,” Yomo shook his head. “This is about protecting you. Unless Kaneki is…” He didn’t finish the sentence, but Touka knew what he was going to say.

“What’s done is done. We just have to move on.” Touka let out monotoned.

Once Yomo was out of the room, Nishiki was the next one to walk in, as if he had been waiting out in the hallway until Yomo was gone. He had probably heard everything. And he already had a look of disappointment on his face.

Clearly she wasn’t going to catch a break from anyone today.

 _Fantastic_.

Touka sighed, “Are you going to lecture me too? Because I got enough of that from Yomo…”

“No lecture. I’m just here to tell you that what you did was really stupid.” Nishiki was never the type to sugar coat anything. He was just honest, even if it stung.

“Thanks, Nishiki.” Touka rolled her eyes. She watched as he sat down on the edge of the bed by her feet, resting his elbows on his knees and didn’t even bother to look at her.

“You should have known better than to do something like that, Touka.” He pushed up his glasses, looking down at the floor.

Touka turned away from him, feeling tears start to sting her eyes. What was she supposed to have done? Nothing?  _Never_.

“He would have killed you.” There was a strong hint of sadness in her words.

“And I would have been okay with that!” He didn’t mean to raise his voice at her. Touka’s attention returned on him, unable to believe what he had just admitted. Nishiki seemed to have caught himself as well, but he continued to avoid looking at her. “He was threatening me with Kimi if I didn’t tell him where you were. I knew he didn’t have shit on Kimi, but I wasn’t going to give into him, no matter what he did. And if that meant dying, at least I would die knowing that I at least tried.”

To keep her safe. But it went both ways.

“I had to try too, Nishiki. You know me.” Touka spoke softly.

A corner of Nishiki’s mouth twitched. “Yeah, I do.”

There was a moment of silence between them before he reached out with a hand to grab a hold of her to give her a squeeze, a silent way of thanking her.

But she swallowed hard as she shut her eyes and blurted out what she had to say next.

“I’m pregnant…”

Those words immediately got Nishiki to finally look at her, but only for a moment before taking his hand away from hers and looking back down at the floor.

“And it’s his.” He wasn’t asking.

Touka was a little taken aback by how quick he was to assume, but he was right.

“How did you…?”

She saw Nishiki take a deep breath and reach up to take off his glasses, rubbing his eyes roughly.

“Your wounds. They should have healed completely by now, but they’re still healing. You’re weakening yourself by eating human food, giving what the baby needs…because it’s not full ghoul. It makes sense.” He sighed heavily.

Her stomach throbbed again, causing her to wrap her arms around herself.

_Make it stop…_

“Are you upset or glad to know it’s his?” Touka had to ask. What if it had been his? Maybe there was a chance…

_No. It’s not. Don’t give yourself that false hope._

Nishiki put his glasses back on and stood up from the bed, walking over to the window and leaning against the frame of it with his arms crossed. He peered out the window with a pensive look on his face. There was too much happening to process it all. It had almost left him feeling numb and that couldn’t be a good thing…

“I don’t know how to feel, Touka.” His eyes fell on her. “But if anything, I’m…worried.”

This whole situation was filled with uncertainty and danger. They were both on edge, waiting to see what would happen next. If Kaneki’s plans held up, it wouldn’t just be him and Juuzou coming after them. More doves would follow.

“Yeah, me too…” She mumbled.

Her hands rested over her belly, the throbbing finally dying down.

“I take it you’re going to fight to keep it?” Nishiki asked, making her think about her options, something she hadn’t thought much about until now. There was always that option of letting her body absorb it…

_No…_

As much as she loved children and dreamed of the day she would have her own family, this was not how she pictured it. It was never supposed to be like this. But this child was a part of her and was apart of…

_Kaneki…_

“I don’t know what I want to do anymore.” The reality of it all started to sink in. Her hands fell away from her stomach, falling down at her sides and letting them ball up into fists. She could begin to feel her body start to shake as she burst into tears.

What was she going to do?  

This child had to have the best of both of them, the last good thing to come from Kaneki…

Touka bawled, falling completely apart and just when she was starting to feel like she couldn’t breathe, she felt Nishiki wrap his arms around her. She grasped at his shirt tightly, trying to get a hold herself, but she was failing.

“Breathe, Touka, just breathe…” He whispered, holding her as tightly as he could without hurting her.

“I—I’m…s—so scar—scared!” She cried into his chest.

She was scared of what would happen. Scared of doing this on her own.

It broke his heart to see her like this and he wished he could tell her everything would be okay, but it wasn’t.

“Whatever you decide to do, I’ll be here for you.” Nishiki murmured into her ear and he meant it.

Something had happened between them that neither one of them expected would become anything more than just a distraction. There was definitely something more going on, but both of them didn’t know how to handle it. It was all so unexpected, but it couldn’t be ignored. Not anymore.

Touka, having regained some composure, pulled away from Nishiki just enough to be able to look at him, but still remain in his arms. Their eyes locked for just a moment before their lips met for a tender kiss, acknowledging their feelings for each other before eagerly deepening their kiss.

She pulled him closer to her as she fell back into the bed, pulling him down with her so that he was right at her side. He held her close even when she pulled away to catch her breath.

Touka looked dazed, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Are we really doing this?”

“Yeah,” He nodded, giving a little half smile. “We are.”

-

After a couple of days Touka had fully recovered, but she remained weak. She snuck human food behind Yomo’s back, even though Nishiki pressured her to tell him. Nishiki had even threatened to tell Yomo himself, but she threatened him right back by denying him any sort of physical contact, to which he eventually backed down from.

Touka just wasn’t ready to give Yomo that kind of news, already fearing how he might react. She wanted to wait until they had settled somewhere before telling him, and that was if the baby even made it…

“And Kaneki?” Nishiki asked.

“What about him?” Touka sounded indifferent.

“Are you going to tell him if you see him again?”

“I won’t be seeing him again.”

“Hypothetically, if you did see him again?”

“I don’t know Nishiki. I don’t even want to think about it. Does it even matter anymore?” Touka was already getting really upset and Nishiki didn’t want to make it worse.

They continued to finish packing up her things from her flat, waiting on Yomo who had said he would be back soon with news on Ayato and Hinami and was even trying to get a hold of Tsukiyama to help make arrangements for their relocation.

“So, I guess I have no choice but to tag along?” Nishiki joked.

“Someone has to keep my toes curled.”

“I think you mean keep you on your toes.”

“No, I meant keep my toes curled.” She grinned, making Nishiki roll his eyes.

“And you said I was sex obsessed.” He chuckled.

They then heard the front door. Finally, Yomo was back and hopefully with news about Ayato and Hinami. Touka headed out of her room and walked into the living room, feeling her heart stop. It wasn’t Yomo, it was Kaneki.

Kaneki stood by the front door in his usual black attire, but looked completely disheveled. He was barely looking at her with his bloodshot eyes, looking as though he had made a mistake.

A huge mistake.

Touka felt her legs give out, but Nishiki was already there to catch her and steady her back on her feet. He could feel her body trembling from the rage burning deep inside her. He could only imagine what her eyes were showing Kaneki since he look almost frightened.

_What was he doing here? Did he have a death wish?_

Touka mustered up the courage pull herself away from Nishiki and walk right up to Kaneki, punching him straight in the face knocking him back a few steps before punching him in the stomach. She had punched him hard enough for him to fall down to his knees and make him double over in pain, but he was making no attempt to fight back.

Nishiki pulled Touka away from Kaneki before she completely killed him. But she had overdone it and she felt weak again, leaning against Nishiki for support.

Kaneki was still there on his knees with his fingers grasping at the floor.

“Get up, Kaneki. You’re embarrassing yourself.” Nishiki used Kaneki’s own words against him.

Kaneki flashed him a defeated look, but he managed to get himself back onto his feet.

He looked drained. Sickly, even. Like an empty shell of himself.

There’s was no life left inside him.

“What the fuck are you doing here? Are you here to try to finish the job?” Touka demanded.

Kaneki continued to look away from her, shaking his head. “No.”

“Then what, Kaneki? What more do you want to take from me?” Her voice was shaky.

Kaneki took a deep breath and sighed heavily. “I wanted to apologize…”

Touka started to laugh hysterically to the point where she started to cry, but over how fucking tragic this had all become.

“Your apology means nothing to me, Kaneki.” She continued to cry, but was unyielding. “You are nothing to me.”

Kaneki continued to hang his head, looking completely lost, but Nishiki could see that her words were tearing him apart.

“You’re right…I am nothing,” Kaneki’s voice proved that he was a broken man. “And I know nothing I say, no matter how much I tell you I’m sorry for everything I’ve said and done…will undo any of the pain I’ve caused. But I still needed to say it…”

“Leave.” Touka gripped Nishiki’s arm tighter, as if she wanted him to be her strength in this.

Kaneki’s fists balled up. “I came here to tell you something else, and before I do, just know that I was just doing my…job and—”

“Don’t give me that bullshit. Saying that you were doing your “job” is a lame excuse,” Touka snapped. “You’ve been completely aware of your actions, Kaneki, whether you had your memories or not. You just…didn’t care.”

“We—I captured Ayato and Hinami…” Kaneki blurted out.

“The fuck did you say?” Nishiki was completely stunned.

“Ayato and Hinami…they’re both being held at the CCG…” Kaneki repeated, sound completely remorseful.

“I should kill you!” Touka charged after Kaneki, but Nishiki held her back and considering she was already in a weakened state, it wasn’t difficult to keep her back.

“Trust me, I want you to.” Kaneki had finally brought his eyes up to look at Touka’s, that were flaring with outrage.  “But if you want to get them back, you’re going to need my help.” He added.

“FUCK YOU, I DON’T NEED  _ANYTHING_  FROM YOU! ” She spat, somehow managing to get out of Nishiki’s grip and run off to her room.

“Touka…” Kaneki let softly, watching her leave. He covered his face and sobbed.

Nishiki could feel his heart racing from Kaneki’s revelation, but what good would attacking him do. But god did he was to rip him into shreds.

_Maybe later, Nishiki. Later._

“I don’t blame you if you hate me.” Kaneki let his hands drop from his face.

“Yeah, well, you’re definitely on the top of my shit list, that’s for sure.” Nishiki’s tried to keep himself calm.

There was an awkward silence between the two former friends, now almost complete strangers.

Kaneki glanced up at Nishiki for a moment. “Thank you…for taking care of her.” He was sincere.

Nishiki began to think about those years that Kaneki was gone, but then came back as Haise only to disappear again and come back as someone hell bent on ruining everything all because he had let himself be consumed by his own selfish desires. Someone had to be there for Touka to remind her of who she was, to keep her together when she felt she would fall apart.

“I did it for her. She deserves to be happy.” Nishiki had done it for himself as well, but he would never admit that to Kaneki.

“And I ruined that chance to be the one to do that. That will always be on me.” Kaneki said.

“She loved you, Kaneki. And maybe she still does, but now…” Nishiki simply shook his head. "You fucked up something good.” Nishiki could see his words break Kaneki even more as he saw a couple of teardrops fall to the floor that he was staring at.

But Kaneki straightened himself up, trying so hard to keep himself together.

“I never meant to hurt her or you. There’s no excuse for what I’ve done…” His voice cracked. “Will you talk to her? Please? I just want to set things right, if I can at all…”

“She’s going to go save Ayato and Hinami no matter what. I can’t stop her,” Nishiki pushed his glasses up. “But I’ll convince her to accept your help, otherwise it would be suicide.”

“Thank you, Nishio.” Kaneki reached for the door.

“She’s pregnant.” Nishiki said. He didn’t know what came over him to tell Kaneki that, but he did. “And it’s yours, in case you have any plans to do anything stupid.”

Kaneki looked over his shoulder with complete shock all over his face. It was news that was sinking deep inside him, as if it had given him a jolt of life.

“That changes everything…” Kaneki whispered, spacing out for a moment. He swallowed hard and gave Nishiki a nod. “I’ll contact you when the plan is in motion.”

“By the way Kaneki,” Nishiki walked up to Kaneki with a glare. “If you try anything on her, or even me, I’ll kill you.”

Kaneki smiled. “I know.”


	10. Part 8.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part Eight Bonus Scene: Nishiki and Touka smut.

Touka couldn’t stand to be bedridden anymore. The areas that Kaneki had practically stabbed her with his kagune were raw and sore, but she had healed enough that she could finally shower off the dry blood that had caked all over her body. Nishiki had helped her out of bed, mumbling to him how she hated being helped even now in this state.

“You’re such a stubborn brat, you know that?” Nishiki sighed, getting her inside the bathroom.

“Are you going to help me take off my clothes too?” Touka asked him with a wince.

“Do you really want me to answer that?” He gave her grin.

“I can’t deal with your one track mind right now.” She looked down, trying to hide her giggle as she started to slowly undo her blouse. Some movements she made had caused her to cringe from the soreness stinging her. This was going to be trickier than she thought.

That is when Nishiki gently swatted Touka’s hands away so he could help her undo her buttons. He must have noticed her struggling. She watched him intently as he finished her blouse, undid the button and zipper of her shorts. He then slipped a hand inside her opened blouse, reaching behind her back and deftly undid the clasp of her bra as if it were no obstacle before removing his hand. He had done enough for her to easily shrug and shimmy her way out of her clothes.

“You’re welcome.” Nishiki gave her a little half smile before turning away. “I’m going to go get you some clean towels and clothes.” And he walked out, closing the door for her.

She couldn’t help the smile forming on her face.

It was still surreal that just a few hours before they had made things official between them. Having acknowledged a growing intensity between them and letting themselves be together without hesitations.

She had finally been able to cuddle with him without being afraid of being too affectionate and he was able to kiss her without feeling it was too much.

She was so thankful to have him…

_He deserves better._

Touka began to shrug out of her blouse and bra and pushed her shorts and underwear down. They all collected on the floor into a torn and bloodied pile of clothes that reminded her of what had happened. Her heart ached.

Part of her didn’t want to believe it happened, but as she stared at her clothes and felt around her the raw area on the side of her stomach, there was no denying it had happened. Kaneki had hurt her…and almost hurt their child…

Her hands lingered over her belly protectively. This was her child and Kaneki…would never hurt them again.

Touka shook her head, trying to get herself to snap out of the funk she was letting herself slip into. Instead she slipped into the shower and started the water.

After a few minutes Nishiki came back into the bathroom with a set of new clothes for her and fresh towels, setting them on top of the sink. The room was already filled with steam and he glanced up to see Touka’s silhouette through the shower curtain just enough before his glasses fogged up and he had to take them off.

She seemed to be fine.

 _Just go, Nishio,_  he told himself.

He started to head towards the door to walk out again, until…

“Nishiki.” He heard Touka call out and then heard the shower curtain open, but he didn’t turn around.

“Yeah?” He let out.

“Will you help me?” She asked him.

She  _wanted_  his help.

It was enough for him to look over his shoulder and see Touka standing there naked with the caked blood slowly trickling down her body.

Nishiki nodded at her, pushing the door to close before setting his glasses on sink’s counter and walking up to Touka, who continued to stand there as if she was waiting for him. He assumed she meant helping clean her up, so he had pushed up his sleeves to his elbows and reached for the bar of soap.

But he was wrong.

“No, take off your clothes and get in here.” Touka said, almost like an order.

He couldn’t help the look of amusement on his face as he grabbed the collar of his shirt behind his neck and easily pulled it up off him, throwing it with.

“You know, bossing me around at work is something I have to tolerate because you’re my boss, and I still fight it, but bossing me around off the clock and in my own home…” Nishiki chuckled, shaking his head at Touka as he started to undo his pants and pushed them down along with his briefs. He stepped out of them and stepped into the shower, joining Touka and closing the shower curtain.

“You never can say no to me.” Touka bit her lower lip as her eyes quickly scanned over his taut physique. It was definitely a weakness of hers.

“And I’m starting to think you’re taking real advantage of that.” Nishiki laughed.

“Are you complaining?” Touka asked finally finding his eyes.

“Let me think about that…” He joked, making Touka lightly take a jab at the side of his stomach, but he dodged it. He took a couple of steps towards her, causing her to take a few steps back and having the water falling on them. His shower head was big enough to cover both of them and set well above six feet, so in a way it almost felt like it was a gentle rain shower hitting them.

She loved it.

He grabbed the bar of soap and began to lather it up in his hands. “Turn around, brat.” He said with a smile.

Touka turned around and faced the shower wall, bringing her arms up to her chest so she could rest her chin over her fists. Nishiki looked over her bloody caked back and frowned as he gently places a lathered up hand over one of her welts on her shoulder blade and as gently as he could tried to break up the dried up blood. He did so with the other welt and then helped clean up the rest of her back, making Touka smile. He made sure the water got every inch of her back, washing away all the blood.

He then got her to turn around, seeing her she had already gotten her shoulders on her front side, but he looked down at her stomach that still had some lingering patches of dry blood that had really stuck to her skin.

Nishiki was careful to rub the soap and his hands around her belly, still fully aware she was pregnant and part of him already felt fiercely protective of her and the baby. Even if it wasn’t his, he still cared…

Touka could feel a warm and tingling feeling hit deep in her stomach and it traveled up into her chest and limbs. He was so good to her…

Once her stomach was cleared of the patches, Nishiki set the soap aside and grabbed the shampoo to pour some of it into his hand. He then lathered up her hair, making sure to get deep into her scalp and behind her head.

Touka shut her eyes from the careful massage Nishiki was giving her. It felt nice, calming…

He then guided her head under the water until the shampoo was all washed away.

But then he cupped her face in his hands.

“You’ve been crying.” He noticed her eyes looked a bit red and puffy. He ran the pads of his thumbs under her eyes, as if he was trying to sooth them from letting let any more tears fall.

“I can’t be left alone with my thoughts. I just keep replaying what happened over and over…making things worse.” Touka was trying. She was trying so hard to not let herself break over it. But it was all too much to accept.

“It’s okay. I’m here now.” Nishiki pressed his forehead against hers as his hands traveled down from her face and down her neck until he reached the two veiny welts just below her collarbones.

It hurt him to see the obvious evidence of the harm Kaneki had caused. It made his blood boil.

Nishiki’s fingers lightly traced over her wounds, but only for a brief moment before lowering himself to kiss one of her healing wounds, causing Touka to gasp slightly. Not from pain, but from the jolt of affection.

“Does that hurt?” He pulled away just a little, worried he had hurt her.

She shook her head. “It feels nice.”

Nishiki smiled, returning to kiss her wounds, wanting to dull the pain the best he could.

“As soon as we get out of here I’ll make something to help with the pain you’re still feeling.”

“I’m just sore. It doesn’t hurt enough for me to drink that shitty coffee and medicine mix of yours.” She was only teasing.

Nishiki arched a brow at her. “That cuts me deep, Touka.”

Her lips tightened, holding back a giggle.

He then stood up straight, stepping back a bit to let the water fully cover him. Since he was already in the shower he might as well clean himself up as well, even if he had already showered earlier in the day.

Touka watched Nishiki as he lathered up his hair with shampoo quickly and then rinsed it. He then grabbed the bar of soap and started to rub it along his arms and chest, turning around and giving his back to Touka.

Her eyes couldn’t help themselves in gazing over every muscle in his back and ass as they flexed from movement. He was so tall and slender, but well defined. It had been a while since she had been able to appreciate his physique and there was something about the water dripping along his skin. Her desires stirred even more…

Nishiki turned back around, knowing Touka had been watching him. She had been under some spell, her eyes lingering all over his chest, abs, and hips. It amused him, but it also gave him the opportunity to appreciate her wet form.

“Yeah, this was definitely your plan all along to get me naked and drool over me.” He let out.

“Oh, shut up.” She couldn’t come up with a better retort because he was half right. He kept a smile on his face as he looked down at her with his wet hair all in his eyes.

She reached up to run her fingers through it, getting the wet strands out of his eyes and slicking it back.

“You really should let me cut your hair sometime.” She said, massaging the back of his head with her fingers.

Nishiki scoffed. “Uh, no. I can say that I trust you with my life, but not with a pair of scissors.” His sarcasm was being laid out pretty thick. Touka winced at him.

“You can be so rude sometimes, you shithead.” She tugged on his hair, making his head go back slightly.

“Someone isn’t so sore anymore.” He started to laugh.

Touka clenched her jaw. “You pissed me off.”

“There’s that spunk.” Nishiki gave her a cheeky smile and she still wasn’t loosening her grip. “You know I enjoy this.” He added.

Touka dropped a hand down between them, easily finding his semi-hard cock and wrapped her hand around him.

“Obviously.” She said amusingly as her hand began to stroke him, pumping him with slow, but tight movements. He was getting harder with each passing second. She got him to groan and get his hips to react, giving a small thrust into her hand. He was losing his senses so fast.

But was this the right time?

“Wait, Touka,” He breathed, twisting his head to get loose from her grip. He placed a hand over hers, stopping her from stroking him. “I don’t know if this is a good idea. You’re…you’re still…fuck, I don’t want to hurt you, Touka.” He sighed.

Touka’s hand moved from his head down the side of his neck, her thumb grazing his jawline.

“You won’t.” She said, pulling him down for him to kiss her. And he did, kissing her longingly.

His hand left hers, leaving her to continue to stroke his cock and getting him to groan into her mouth as his hands rested on her hips. She continued to stroke him until she got him the way she wanted him, throbbing in her hand and completely ready to take her.

Nishiki’s hands moved down to cup her ass and lifted her up so that he was at his height level. She quickly wrapped her legs around his waist. He placed an arm behind her back, holding her up. She understood what he was doing, using his arm as a cushion for her back.

She smiled as she took his face in her hands and pulled him in for a kiss, letting the shower beat down over and between their bodies. She wrapped her arms over his shoulders as he pulled away from their kiss to look at her.

“Keep holding on to me, okay?” Nishiki watched Touka intensely as she nodded, tightening her arms around his neck. He wanted to make sure she was secure and wouldn’t get hurt again. It made her heart flutter.

He guided the head of his cock at her entrance, running himself along her slit, feeling how wet she was and coating her folds with his precum.

She bit her lip at the anticipation, keeping her eyes glued onto him as he looked down to push himself into her. He stretched her opening and slowly began to fill her inch by inch, feeling her walls immediately start to hug him, welcoming him.

His eyes flew back to hers as he filled her up completely, staying still so they both could relish in each other’s warmth.

“You okay?” Nishiki had to ask, still worried as he pushed some strands of her wet hair away from her eyes.

Touka, still biting her lip, nodded as she moaned and smiled at him.

“I like how this is the only way to shut you up sometimes.” He teased.

She gasped. “You shiii—” Touka couldn’t finish her usual insult at him as he moved his hips, bringing himself all the way out and slowly thrust himself back into her.

Her eyes went half lidded and her lips parted, feeling him glide in and out of her in a slow pace. Normally she would want him to go faster and harder, but she found herself entranced by the moment. He was being gentle, but at the same time hitting her deep inside. Their connection was on fire as they kept their eyes locked on one another and soon matched their panting, moaning breaths together as well.

Touka’s legs tightened around his hips, trying to get him deeper. When Nishiki felt what she was trying to do, he hooked her uninjured leg over his arm and splayed his hand on the wall to hold her up. He was able to spread her just a bit more, feeling his cock bury deeper inside her. She whimpered, digging her one heel into his backside and beginning to feel her toes curl from the knot building deep in her belly.

Her body rocked against the arm he had between her and the wall, feeling her hips try to move with his thrusts. Her core already trembling, she pressed her forehead against his.

“I—I’m coming…” She panted.

“I’m..ready for you.” He groaned.

Touka tore her eyes away from Nishiki briefly to look down between their bodies, wanting to catch a glimpse of him thrusting into her. She mewled at the sight and felt her walls quiver before returning her sight back up to him. Their stares into each other’s eyes still burning…

Touka came after a few more thrusts, crying out sweet nothings as she felt her body tensing and then spasming from her orgasm. Her walls violently throbbing around him. Nishiki came just moments after her, shuddering over her and feeling her walls constrict over and over. He breathlessly let out her name as he stilled his hips, buried deep inside her and filling her with hot bursts of his essence.

His hips lazily moved just a bit more, still feeling her walls trying to milk him for every last drop.

Both their faces slack with pleasure as they were stuck in a hazy high and trying to get their breathing back in control.

Nishiki unhooked his arm from Touka’s leg and placed it back around his hip, but he began to lower her down to set her back on her feet. But Touka tightened her arms and legs around him, stopping him.

“Wait, can we stay like this just a little while longer? Please?” She murmured against his shoulder, wanting to keep him inside her just a bit longer. She wasn’t ready feel him run down her thighs; she wasn’t ready to have him part from her. Not yet.

“Whatever you want, Touka.” He said, wrapping his arms around her to keep her close to him, letting the water rain over them and kissing the side of her neck softly. They stayed like that for a good while before Nishiki broke away from her to reach over and shut off the water. Both of them still soaked and a little dazed.

“Let me take you to bed.” He muttered against her.

“Why? We’re just end up back in here to clean up. We should just stay here, maybe draw up a bath.” Touka said, unhooking her legs from around him as he carefully withdrew himself from her and slowly let her back down onto her feet.

“I knew you were just using me for sex.” He said.

“That’s all you’re good for.” She quipped.

“Well then, I guess I’ve achieved my great purpose in life.” He sounded proud. Touka rolled her eyes at him, but giggled as Nishiki opening the curtain and stepping out.

“Achieve something else and hand me a towel will you.” She told him.

“Bossing me around again.” He sighed, grabbing a towel and handing it to her.

“You love it.” She said smugly.

“Yeah, I love a lot of things about you.” Nishiki mumbled. He quickly caught himself. He had thought outloud.

He watched as Touka wrapped the towel around her and walked up to him, facing him. He could feel his heart racing. He couldn’t read her expression until it softened, something only a rare few ever saw.

Touka placed a hand over his cheek, stroking it with her thumb.

“I love you, Nishiki.” She let out with a sharp exhale. Nishiki opened his mouth to say something, but no words would come out, but then he felt her fingers over his lips. “You don’t have to say it back just because I finally did. But I want you to know that. After what happened…almost losing you, after years of you always being there…I need you to hear it because I don’t want something like that to happen again and regret never telling you because I was too scared to say it.”

Touka gave Nishiki a small smile before pulling her hand away, grabbing her bloodied clothes and her fresh clothes and walking out of the bathroom.

Nishiki stood there taken aback by what Touka has said, her words sinking in and really hitting him.

Three words were enough to rattle him, but they were three words that were so hard for him to say. Those three words were attached to two other people he had said them to and he had lost both of them in different ways…

It was that fear of saying those words and losing another person he loved.

_Say them, Nishio, just say them…_

He covered his face and cursed at himself.


	11. Part Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki, Touka, and Nishiki cross paths one last time as they work together to save Ayato and Hinami… (Nishiki x Touka NSFW moment)

When Touka got to her room she tried reaching for the bed, but she collapsed to her knees next to it, feeling as though something was tightening around her neck and chest and causing her to gasp for air. But her heart…her heart hurt the most. Every beat felt like a knife twisting into her.

_Ayato…Hina…_

She fell forward, grasping at the sheets of the bed and pressed her mouth to the mattress to muffle her scream. She screamed as hard and as loudly as she could until there was a pang in her throat. There had been so much building up inside her…she had to let it out.

Touka couldn’t help replay everything that had led her to this point and how she never could have predicted that things would ever be this way. Ever since Kaneki walked into :re as someone else, as Haise Sasaki…a dove…with no memory of who he used to be, she wanted to believe maybe it was a good thing. He seemed happy, even if he was set out to bring down ghouls. It was something she was willing to look past and try to forgive him for. She had chosen to not push him to remember his past and maybe that was her biggest mistake.

What if she had done this…what if she had said that…what if…WHAT IF!

Kaneki had let this persona take over…it got to a point where he wasn’t just doing his job, he was enjoying it. He wanted to kill ghouls. He wanted to kill Nishiki. He almost killed her…

_Why Kaneki? Why did it have to be you…_

_Why did the world have to be so cruel?_

Her struggle to breathe had only gotten worse, the constriction in her chest causing her to gasp for air and then there was a pain growing in her belly. She instinctively wrapped her arms around her stomach.

_I’m sorry…hang on…_

“Oh, fuck, Touka,” Nishiki rushed to her, kneeling down in front of her and taking her face between his hands, forcing her to focus on him. “Look at me, Touka! Deep breath…come on, deep breath.” He took a deep breath with her and then exhaled. He placed her hands on his chest so she could feel his chest rise up and down to get her to follow his breathing, trying to calm her down. And after a couple of minutes it began to work.

Touka fell forward, crying into Nishiki’s shoulder as he held her and felt her fingers dig into his chest.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay.” He said, rubbing her back.

Touka thought about how Nishiki never lied to her. Ever.

_He never sugarcoats anything…_

She had to believe him, even now. More than ever.

“I have to do something to save them, Nishiki.” She let out against his shoulder. His embrace tightened.

“ _We_  are going to do something to save them. You’re not doing this alone.” Nishiki said, making it clear that he was a part of this. There was no way he was letting her do this alone.

Touka shut her eyes and held onto him tighter as Nishiki placed a hand on the back of her head, massaging her. He took a deep breath, bracing himself for what would happen next with the next thing he had to say.

“We’re going to need Kaneki’s help, Touka.” He said.

She pulled away from him, looking at him incredulously. “What?”

Nishiki sighed heavily. He expected her to react this way. “Listen to me…”

“No. No fucking way am I letting him help us. For all we know it’s a fucking trap!” Touka started to push herself away from Nishiki, feeling slighted that he would even dare try to take up Kaneki on his offer. Nishiki let go of her, not wanting to force her to hold on to him.

“You’re absolutely right, Touka. It could be a trap, but if Kaneki wants to make things right…if he really loves you…” He didn’t get the chance to finish.

“Make things right? Loves me? I don’t care, Nishiki. I can’t forgive him for what he did…for what he almost accomplished.” Her body recalled his tentacles stabbing her, making her shiver.

“I’m not asking you to forgive him, Touka.” Nishiki moved to sit down on the floor, leaning back up against the bed. He pushed his legs up slightly to rest his arms on his knees. He looked as though he was picking his next words carefully to make them matter, to make them get through to Touka. “What I’m saying here is whether we like it or not, he is the only one who can help us get to Ayato and Hinami without it being a complete suicide mission. I’m asking you to think about this, because it’s not just you I’m thinking about…” It wasn’t just Touka anymore. There was a baby to think of and he wanted to remind her of that before they made the wrong move. Touka had for a brief moment forgotten that she was pregnant. She really would have stormed the CCG without much of a plan and that would not only be stupid, but selfish. Right now, it was just Nishiki and herself against a horde of ghoul killers.

They needed a plan…and Kaneki’s was the one Nishiki believed in.

_Trust him._

Touka joined Nishiki, sitting down next to him and sighed. “And what if it’s a trap?”

“It won’t be.” Nishiki pushed up his glasses as he looked up at Touka. He wanted to tell her that he had told Kaneki about the baby being his, but he knew no good would come from it if he mentioned it now. But Nishiki believed that by telling Kaneki it would make sure that he wouldn’t try hurting Touka again, that it would make Kaneki fight to do the right thing.

Nishiki placed an arm over Touka’s shoulders and felt her lean into him, perfectly molding together.

“What do we now?” She wrapped her arms around him, really cuddling into him until the side of her face was pressed up to the middle of his chest and she could hear his heartbeat. Nishiki kissed the top of her head.

“We wait until Kaneki gives us the go ahead.” He said against her hair. “It will also give us time to get a hold of Yomo, and…"

“Moi?” Nishiki and Touka turned to the bedroom door to find Tsukiyama. Yomo soon appeared next to him with his eyes falling on the couple who continued to hold each other, but looked bewildered.

“Tsukiyama?” Touka let out.

“You two should know I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” Tsukiyama said with a grin.

They now had their team.

-

The next day Kaneki had made contact and set up a meeting with Nishiki at the now closed down shop. Kaneki seemed hesitant when Nishiki mentioned Yomo and Tsukiyama being involved, but he wasn’t entirely surprised either. Kaneki had told Nishiki they had better odds with them involved if anything went wrong, but it would still be an interesting meeting together.

But while the meeting was set, there would be one person opting out of it. Touka would not be part of the meeting, as much as she wanted to, but after seeing how she reacted being in Kaneki’s presence, and how it would affect her health, Nishiki and her decided it was best she sit this out and he would fill her in later, even though she was torn up about it.

When Kaneki walked into the shop, alone, he appeared in a little bit of better health from the previous day and more rested, though there was still an obvious sadness to him. He tightened his black coat around him and straightened himself up when everyone’s eyes fell on him.

“Yomo, Tsukiyama…” Kaneki acknowledged them with an uncomfortable nod. “Nishio.” Nishiki gave a small nod back.

“Ah, so, you remember me. Have you regained your memories?” Tsukiyama asked curiously with a small grin on his face.

Kaneki rubbed his chin. “Most of them.”

Tsukiyama pressed on. “We met not long ago, do you remember those meetings, Kaneki?”

“Yes…” Kaneki’s jaw clenched.

“You’ve met him as dove already?” Nishiki’s eyes darted back and forth at them as they had a stare down with Kaneki expressionless and Tsukiyama looking amused as ever.

“Oh yes, quite intimately, since nearly killed me by throwing me off a roof and was part of the massacre of most of my family.” That was news to Yomo and Nishiki. There was a very awkward silence between all of them, but tensions were high between Tsukiyama and Kaneki. This was not the time for revenge. For anyone.

“Oh, that’s great. Good to know he’s had murderous intentions towards us for a while.” Nishiki stepped up almost between them. “I know there’s a lot to settle, but there’s obviously a reason why we’re all here, trying to work together.”

“My apologies.” Tsukiyama gave a small bow and put his differences with Kaneki aside.

Kaneki’s eyes wandered for a moment, obviously noticing someone was missing from this meeting.

A hint of sadness crossed his face. “I take it Touka didn’t want to be here?”

“I’ll fill her in.” Nishiki said. Kaneki nodded at him and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his coat before taking a deep breath.

“Ayato and Hinami are being held in one of the lower levels of Cochlea. Third level, to be exact. I will be able to create a distraction so that all of you…”

“Why can’t you get them out yourself?” Tsukiyama cut him off, looking pensive and a little skeptical.

Kaneki looked down. “It’s complicated.”

“Try us.” Yomo pressed, narrowing his eyes. There was an uneasy feeling building up inside Nishiki about how Kaneki was reacting to all this. It was as though he was still not himself, not completely, as if there was still a hold over him. But before Kaneki could speak, Nishiki cut in.

“You want us to be the patsies? You want to make the CCG believe you had nothing to do with this so you can stay in the CCG, right?” Nishiki asked Kaneki.  

Kaneki nodded his head, still avoiding eye contact with anyone. “Yes.”

Yomo and Tsukiyama exchanged looks, but Nishiki kept his eyes on Kaneki.

“I get it now.” Nishiki sighed. He pinched the bridge of his nose, thinking how it was definitely a good thing Touka wasn’t here. She would have flung herself at Kaneki at this point to murder him. “You never had any intention of leaving the CCG.” Nishiki had sensed Kaneki was up to something, but he never thought it would lead to him still being a part of the CCG. He expected the opposite.

“I hope to use this as a way to gain more control of the CCG, be the one who…”

“But you’re still going to hunt down ghouls, right?” Nishiki took Kaneki’s silence as his answer. “Figures.”

“I wish I could tell you my plan, but it’s better this way, Nishio.” Kaneki spoke.

“Save it, Kaneki.” Nishiki put a hand up to stop him. “Just get to the part where we save Ayato and Hinami so we can finish this meeting.”

Everyone lingered to solidify their plan and Kaneki reassuring everyone this would work and that Ayato and Hinami would be freed and everyone could move on with their lives. He made it sound so simple. Nothing about this was simple.

When it came time to leave, Nishiki followed Kaneki over towards the entrance of the shop.

Kaneki stopped at the door, taking a moment to gather his words. “How is she?” He asked Nishiki, not meeting his eyes. All he used to do was look people in the eye. This version of Kaneki had lost all confidence in trying to face people, but more like he was ashamed of himself, as if he wasn’t worthy of being seen.

“Touka’s fine.” Nishiki simply answered, crossing his arms.

“And…and the baby?” Kaneki got choked up mentioning the baby. He stared at down Nishiki’s feet as his brows came together in a pained expression.

“They’re both okay, Kaneki.” Nishiki leaned against the door frame, looking around the empty shop and remembering all the times Kaneki had come in here in the beginning, how hopeful Touka was each time he visited before everything went to shit. “Do you realize how fucking disappointing all of this is? Your plan…”

“I have to do this, Nishio.” Kaneki sighed heavily.

“This is going to break her heart even more, you know that, right?” Nishiki’s jaw clenched with each quickening heartbeat as anger began to boil up inside him again.

Kaneki only nodded as tears filled his eyes. “I know, but at least she has you to pick up the pieces.”

“You’re such a fucking idiot, Kaneki. I wanted you to see your damn kid, that’s why I told you in the first place! I wanted that truth to make you wake up and want to be there for her, for your kid.” Even though Nishiki was with Touka, and he had no plans on leaving her, he still wished Kaneki would be able to be part of his child’s life.

“It did wake me up, Nishio. It pushed me to make this decision because it’s the best thing I can do.” Kaneki looked up at him finally. “She deserves so much better than what I could ever give her and that’s with you. So, please, just keep her safe…keep her happy.” He didn’t wait for Nishiki to respond, he opened the door and disappeared into the cold night.

-

Touka had been chewing on her lower lip practically all night. She had chewed on it so much she caused her lip to get slightly swollen. It was out of nerves and anxiousness. She wondered how the meeting was going. If everyone was okay. If Kaneki mentioned her…

Her head turned sharply towards the front door of Nishiki’s flat when she heard the door unlock. Nishiki made his way inside his flat with his eyesight down at his feet and a paper bag in one of his hands.

“How did it go?” Touka asked Nishiki as he shut the door behind him. She was eager to know every detail about what went on in that meeting she wanted to be a part of, but just couldn’t bring herself to face Kaneki again.

Nishiki set the paper bag on the kitchen counter and slipped off his sweater, draping it over the headrest of the couch before leaning against it. He looked up at Touka, who stood a few feet away with her arms crossed and chewing on her bottom lip. His brows furrowed. He walked up to her and ran the pad of his thumb over her fat bottom lip.

“Nerves got the best of you?” He asked with a small smile.

“It’s fine,” She shoved his hand away from her. “What happened?” She wanted details. All of them.

Nishiki puffed out some air. “Plan is a go for tomorrow night.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“Do you really think it’s going to work? His plan?” Touka swallowed hard. “Can you really trust him?”

Nishiki could see how hesitant she was being a part of this, and she had every reason to doubt Kaneki, but despite the plan not going the way Nishiki hoped, he still believed it would work.

“It’s going to work, Touka. I know it will.” The way Nishiki spoke was reassuring and it had calmed Touka down slightly. He began to speak specifics of the plan, minus the part where Kaneki was going to remain at the CCG. Nishiki had also made it clear to Touka that she was in charge, but should anything happen to him she better stick to Yomo and Tsukiyama.

“Wait, if anything does happen to you and I’m the one in charge, then it’s my call, right?” Touka frowned at him.

Nishiki nodded. “Yes, but…”

“But nothing, Nishiki.” She placed her hands over his chest and looked at him with a defiance in her eyes. “I wouldn’t leave you behind. No matter what.” She meant it. She hoped things would go smoothly, but they all knew they were going straight into enemy territory and anything could happen.

“You really are so fucking stubborn.” He shook his head at her, but he yielded to her. It was impossible to argue with her about this at this point and chose to change the subject. He nodded over towards the paper bag. “That’s for you.”

Touka gave him a big smile before walking over to the bag, grabbing it and opening it. She made a face of disgust, but her stomach rumbled appreciatively.

After the meeting, Nishiki had gone out to get Touka some human food since she hadn’t had some in a while and while it was disgusting to him and her, it was necessary for the baby. They both knew that once things settled down again, when they could have time to actually relax, the baby would be getting everything it needed and more from them.

Nishiki walked into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, opening it for Touka as she pulled out the burger from the bag and took a big bite. He watched as she winced, no doubt from the taste hitting her tongue and making her body instinctively fight it, but she took the bottle of water and took a sip, swallowing the chunk of burger. After that she didn’t struggle so much, having told herself she could do this for the sake of her baby. She was fighting for this baby.

Nishiki hid the smile forming on his face. Seeing her with such determination made him admire her that much more. He had always admired her decisiveness, her boldness, and her perseverance, but it was only until recently that he let himself accept that he had fallen for those qualities of her and so much more. He loved her…

Once Touka was done eating, they both headed to the bedroom to try to get some sleep, but honestly, neither one of them were in the mood to sleep. There was too much going through their minds keeping them awake, keeping them restless…

She watched as Nishiki began to slip off his shoes and she did the same, but there had been something nagging her, and something she hated herself for, for even caring…

“What did Kaneki do tonight?” She asked.

Nishiki’s brows came together. “What?”

“Kaneki. Did he seem like himself or…” She trailed off, thinking about Black Reaper.

“He seemed in a little bit in better shape than the last time, but he was his usual glum self.” He explained, even though he had sensed that Kaneki wasn’t all there. Did she really need to know that to torture herself more?

“Well, he’s only still alive because I didn’t go to that meeting, so…” Touka said cooly. For a moment the way she sounded, how calm and cold she seemed, it reminded Nishiki of the Touka she used to be years ago. She was just putting up a front and he couldn’t help the chuckle that came out of him.

“What’s so funny?” She raised a brow at him.

“You.” He said. “You still love him, Touka.” Nishiki was simply stating a fact that Touka didn’t want to admit to. She was trying her hardest to pretend Kaneki didn’t mean anything to her anymore, trying to erase him from her history, but it would only hurt her more if she kept fighting it. She had to accept Kaneki would always be a part of her.  

Touka opened her mouth to hit him with some sassy comeback, but nothing was coming out and it pissed her off. She plopped herself down on the edge of the bed with a slight hunch and her hands in her lap. Her eyes were staring down at her fumbling fingers as she straightened herself up and took a deep breath before exhaling sharply.

“You’re right, there will always be a part of me that loves him. I still love him because I’m too stupid to let go of who he used to be. I will always think that the Kaneki I knew, who I fell for, is still in there somewhere, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m not with him. I don’t want to be with him. Not anymore.” Touka could feel her heart racing as she spoke, her hands moving to linger over the spot where Kaneki’s kagune pierced her thigh and stomach. She looked up at Nishiki, the one person who got her through this mess. Nishiki, the man who helped keep her together and that she ended up falling for. “I’m here with you. Just you. Even if one day I know you won’t be.” Touka knew Nishiki’s heart belonged to Kimi and…

Her own thoughts were disrupted by Nishiki, who had wasted no time in walking right up to her and gently pushed her down onto the mattress. He scooted her further up the bed so she could rest her head on a pillow and delicately encased his body over hers. The warmth of his body instantly calming her racing heart and the way he looked at her putting her doubts at ease.

Nishiki leaned down to kiss her softly, caressing the side of her face with his hand and letting his long fingers trace along her jawline.

He wasn’t holding himself back and he wanted her to see that…to feel it…

His hand traveled down from her face and rested between her breasts, right over her heart.

“I’m not going anywhere, Touka. I’m here now, I’m here for the long run.” He said, meaning every word. Touka lay there blinking, trying to let his words sink in.

“But…” Nishiki covered her mouth with his hand and shook his head at her.

“Just shut up and accept it, you stubborn brat.” He chuckled.

Touka reached up to remove his hand from her mouth and raised a brow at him. “Do that again and I’ll bite your fingers off.” She teased, pressing her lips into a hard line so she wouldn’t laugh.

“No, you won’t.” Nishiki grinned and kissed her again.

Had Kaneki fully come back into her life and had Kimi come back into his…there was no doubt things would be different, but they believed everything had happened the way they did for a reason. This was it and they accepted that.

They soon began peeling off their clothes, letting their garments cover the floor around the bed, and spent a good while meshing their bodies together, kissing until they were breathless.

Touka lay there with her eyes shut as she felt Nishiki’s lips kiss over one of her hip bones, slowly moving his way up along her stomach and the curve of her ribcage. His free hand resting over her outer thigh, stroking it. The feeling of his lips against her skin, the attention he was giving her, it was all making her feel so alive, so wanted…so loved…

The overwhelming sensations and emotions coursing through her was almost too much, she couldn’t help the tears that began to roll down the sides of her face.

Nishiki, who had been kissing and kneading one of her breasts looked up to see the tears and pulled away, worried he had done something wrong.

“Touka, are you okay?” He asked her and saw her nod.

“I’m just…happy.” She admitted. He smiled at her, reaching up with his free hand to stoke her cheek as he positioned himself over her and fit himself between her legs. He never expected to contribute to her happiness, but it felt good knowing he could give her that. And than he could admit she had done the same for him.

“I’m happy too.” He said, still caressing her cheek.

Touka wrapped her arms around Nishiki’s neck, shut her eyes and pulled him down for a kiss as he let a hand slip down between them to guide himself into her. She sighed against his lips as he stretched her and he let out a groan against the side of her mouth as he began to thrust in and out of her, feeling her legs wrap around his waist and hooked her ankles behind him as they pushed him to keep going.

Their love making was intense, but unhurried as their bodies moved against each other in complete unison along with their quickened breathing that carried a mixture of groans. Their kisses were soft and lazy, with their moans getting in the way. Each of them taking brief moments to let themselves slip into their hazes before bringing their eyes back on each other.

Both of them stared into each eyes through hooded eyelids as Touka noticed Nishiki’s eyes looking over every inch of her face.

“Beautiful…” Nishiki panted as he ran the pads of his fingers along Touka’s cheekbone, feeling the hotness of her flushed cheek. It was such an affectionate gesture that filled her cheeks with even more warmth.

They came together and so intensely they both trembled from their orgasms hitting them, proof of how strong their connection was as one. As her walls contracted she mewled out his name as he grunted hers, but then groaned along with each hot burst of essence his cock let go deep inside her.

Nishiki collapsed slightly over Touka, making sure not to completely crush her as she felt him start to shake. She smiled and wrapped her arms around him tighter, placing soft, breathless, kisses against the side of his head. He turned onto his back, bringing her over him and staying buried inside her as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her deeply.

She could still feel him semi-hard and she let her desire take over, letting her hips moved up and down him very slowly, working him until he was hard again.

Neither one of them wanted to say it, but it had been in the back of their minds, if anything went wrong…if one of them by chance didn’t make it…they wanted to make this moment count.

-

The next evening Yomo, Tsukiyama, Nishiki and Touka gathered in the shop, going over the plan again in detail and counting down to the hour they would head to the CCG headquarters. With their masks ready, they were all determined to make this a success, even as everyone had their doubts about Kaneki. This would work no matter what.

All of them had gathered at the specific spot where Kaneki told them to be at and that’s when a backdoor, minimally guarded and easy to take out the doves that were guarding that area. Once the door was opened they had 30 minutes to get in and get out. But going through three levels in that short of time, seemed like a challenge, but it could be done. It would be done.

The distraction was a level one security breach, the release of lower-rated ghouls that would keep the CCG busy for a while. Kaneki had somehow hacked security, manipulating it so that it seemed like a system failure as he controlled everything else from the control room. He was able to keep an eye on everyone through the security cameras, but he had paid close attention to Touka and Nishiki.

The group had managed to slip straight past level one and level two without much of a problem as the lingering doves were in such small groups. Tsukiyama seemed to be having too much fun and while no one was surprised by his actions, Touka reigned him back in.

By the time they reached the third level, Touka led her group down further, but they all couldn’t ignore how many cells they were passing and all the ghouls possibly in them. Anger flared in all four of them, knowing that many locked up in Cochlea didn’t deserve to be here.

The doors to Ayato and Hinami’s cells immediately opened, on cue as the group reached them. Hinami stepped out first from her cell and Ayato soon after.

“Ayato! Hinami!” Touka yelled as she ran towards him, pulling them both into a huge embrace. Hinami was quick to hug her back tightly, but Ayato barely put his arm around his sister. His attention went haywire, looking around everywhere as if he was anticipating an attack.

“Where is that half-ass bastard?!” Ayato demanded, pulling away from Touka, but hovered around her and Hinami as if he was protecting them.

“He’s controlling everything from up above.” Yomo told him. Ayato winced and then spotted a camera and immediately walked up to it.

“You’re fucking dead, Kaneki! You hear me?!” There was pure rage laced in his voice. Hinami stepped in front of him, placing her hands over his chest and trying to push him away from the camera. “I will find you and kill you! Mark my words, Kaneki!” Ayato’s black and red eyes flared with anger.

“Ayato, please stop, we have to go!” Hinami tried to his get attention and he finally looked down at her. It was as though she had an immediate effect on him, calming him just enough for him to nod in agreement.

“Come on! Our window is closing!” Yomo shouted.

Tsukiyama, Ayato, and Hinami began to run off as Yomo and Touka soon followed, but Touka looked back to find Nishiki standing in front of one of the prison cells, staring at a chart hanging off one of the doors.

“Nishiki!” Touka called out to him, but he looked as though he had seen a ghost. He was petrified. Touka stopped running towards the exit, causing Yomo to do the same. She ran back towards Nishiki as Yomo called out for her to stop, but she couldn’t leave without Nishiki. Once she reached him she could see all color drained from his face. She followed his line of sight and saw what had gotten his attention. The chart of a prisoner that was signed by a K. Nishino.

 _Kimi_.

“Sh—She’s here…” Nishiki let out barely above a whisper. Kimi was here. “Working for the CCG. Why…why would she…” He sounded completely lost.

“THE GHOULS HAVE BEEN SPOTTED!” Touka heard a dove shout from down the hallway. She saw a group of doves armed with quinques and she reacted by flaring her ukaku, crystalizing it to shoot projectiles at them. She managed to hit a couple of them and mde the rest take cover, enough for her to grab Nishiki by the collar of his coat and make him look at her.

“Nishiki, we have to fucking go! NOW!” She yelled at him. His eyes fluttered and he came back to his senses and noticed the group of doves trying to come their way. He pushed Touka forward and started to run towards Yomo who was dealing with his own small group of doves that he easily took out.

But the group after them were gaining ground, until Touka watched a dark figure fall between them and saw a massive black and snake like rinkaku begin to take out the doves one by one. There were screams ringing out, bodies were flying, and blood was splattering over the walls. Yomo, Nishiki and Touka watched on in awe at the ghoul who had taken out a whole fleet of doves without hesitation. But it wasn’t a ghoul.

The dark figure stood over the bodies until it looked up at them.

“Kaneki.” Touka let out, staring at the glowing black and red eye that looked back at her. She could barely see his face, but it was him. There was an intensity in his eyes, but it had softened into a sad expression as he looked at Touka. For a moment she had forgotten how angry she was towards him…

“Touka?” Nishiki took her hand, making her to snap out of her trance. She turned to look at Nishiki and then looked down at his hand holding hers, seeing their fingers laced. She squeezed his hand and he immediately started to pull her away, trying to lead her out of Cochlea, but she turned back for a moment to see Kaneki one last time, seeing a flicker of disappointment flash over his face.

-

Everything after that moment had become a blur. It had become a fight for survival and now a fight to get as far away as possible from the chaos ensuing at the CCG. Even if Kaneki had managed to take some of the reins, they were still going to be hunted down.

Both Nishiki and Touka were rattled by the events that had unfolded. Nishiki, trying to understand why Kimi would be a part of the CCG and Touka, watching first hand how merciless Kaneki was…in protecting them…protecting her.

Ayato, still raging and clinging onto the idea of getting his revenge on Kaneki, put his vendetta on hold as he joined up with Tsukiyama, along with Hinami to head west to another home Tsukiyama had that would keep them safe for a while. Yomo went on to try and contact Uta and Itori, hoping to get help from them as Nishiki and Touka headed back to Nishiki’s flat to gather up some of their belongings. Touka had left behind something too precious to leave behind…

Neither Nishiki nor Touka had spoken since leaving Cochlea, but they were still processing what had happened. Once Touka gathered up what she needed, Nishiki carried her backpack and they were out the door, heading over towards Uta’s studio to meet up with Yomo. They kept to the shadows, wearing their hoodies and keeping themselves alert. It didn’t seem to be registering that they were on the run. Again.

“Hey, are you okay?” Nishiki asked her as they walked.

“Yeah, are you?” Touka answered, though there wasn’t much emotion in her reply.

“Yeah.” He sighed. She didn’t believe him and he didn’t believe her. They had to face what happened.

“Nishiki…?” Touka let out faintly.

“Yeah?”

Touka stopped walking and faced Nishiki making him stop in his tracks. “I saw how seeing her name affected you.”

Nishiki looked away from her, recalling the image in his head. Kimi’s name. Involved with the CCG. He had to have been imagining things. He wanted to believe it was just a cruel trick his mind was playing on him. His Kimi wouldn’t be in alliance with them…

“If you want answers,” Touka spoke, hoping to get his attention, but he continued to avoid her. “If you want to find a way back to her…I’m not stopping you, Nishiki.”

That is when Nishiki finally looked at Touka, seeing how calm she looked, how ready she was to give him up if that’s where his heart was pulling him towards. She was letting him know it was okay. If he still wanted Kimi…it was okay. He looked behind him for a moment, telling himself to decide what to do.

_Choose._

Nishiki shut his eyes tightly, making his decision.

-

**_—Epilogue—_ **

_Three years later…_

Touka had been brewing coffee for a table of three. It was another easy batch that took almost no time at all. The Manager’s Special was such a popular choice when she was working and she was more than happy to make the coffee, making sure to give special attention to every cup she brewed.

And right now, brewing coffee was better than walking around taking orders.

“Mama, look!” Ren, Touka’s three old son, beamed as he showed off some of his drawing and coloring skills with a drawing of a very colorful chameleon. He had been sitting up at the bar so Touka could keep an eye on him and he was always so good, so patient and always into his coloring and drawings or even flipping through one of his many picture books. He was the ultimate dream child to Touka who was thankful to be able to have him around in the shop.

Ren was the spitting image of Kaneki, from his jet black hair, the shape of his face, and while everyone said he had his mother’s eyes, he still very much had a lot of Kaneki. Every time Ren smiled…it was Kaneki’s smile…

Touka had done her best to move on from the events that unfolded three years ago. The rumors were that after the CCG realized Kaneki had taken part in aiding ghouls and helping free a couple of them, that he had been branded a traitor and sentenced to death. But there were other rumors than Kaneki lived, but simply disappeared. Whatever happened to him, his name had faded more and more each year. It was now as though he never existed. Erased, just as Touka once wished for…

He lived on though…

“That’s beautiful, Ren! Want me to hang it up here?” Touka ask, patting one of the cupboard doors. Ren nodded excitedly, proud to have his work on display. Touka smile as she took the colorful drawing, gathered a couple of pieces of tape and set it on the cupboard door. “There we go!”

“That’s definitely the best thing we have hanging around here.” Yomo said, also giving off a smile as he came up behind Touka.

“My boy is a little celebrity artist around here.” Touka let out. Ren put his hands up and was so full of glee it made both Touka and Yomo laugh a little.

“I’d pay good money for that.” Nishiki’s voice came from the entrance of the shop. He had been looking directly at the drawing with a huge smile on his face.

“Papa!” Ren jumped off his seat and ran into Nishiki’s awaiting arms. Nishiki picked him up and gently threw him over his shoulders, letting Ren’s legs dangle off his shoulders and letting him hold onto his head to keep himself balanced. Ren loved riding on Nishiki’s shoulders, telling Nishiki he felt like he was “a king!”

“You ready to visit the bookstore?” Nishiki asked Ren, sneaking a look up at him with a smile.

“Yes! Need more books!” Ren let out excitedly.

“Yeah, you always do, kid.” Nishiki chuckled as he looked over at Touka, who was just finishing up drying some cups. He flashed her his charming smile and she returned the smile with a bright one of her own.

In that moment, when Nishiki had to pick a new life or try to salvage the old one he once had, he had picked this life he was living right now. And he never regretted it. This is what he wanted.

Touka looked over at Yomo who gave her a little nod with a warm smile, giving her the go ahead to leave. She walked up to him and kissed his cheek, putting a small smile on Yomo’s face.

Touka took off her apron and walked around the counter to join Nishiki and Ren, rubbing her seven months pregnant belly as she did so. Nishiki walked up to her, splaying a hand over her stomach and leaning down to kiss her.

“How are you doing?” He asked pulling away.

“Great, but your daughter has been kicking me all day because you haven’t been around to calm her.” She told him. Nishiki’s smile grew wider as he rubbed her belly, letting his baby know he was there.

“A daddy’s girl already.” He said.

Nishiki laced his fingers with Touka’s, leading her and Ren out of the shop. Every Friday afternoon opened their weekend of family time where they went to the bookstore, took walks, checked out the market, and took Ren to the playground. Weekends were just for them, something both Nishiki and Touka cherished, even more so when they took videos and photos.

Once they were outside, Touka made sure Ren’s jacket was secure on him as he continued to sit on Nishiki’s shoulders. Nishiki had bent down a little so Touka could reach him.

“Mama, I’m okay.” Ren was already annoyed by his mother’s incessant need to make sure he was warm and safe.

“ _Now_ , you are, silly.” She said ruffling his hair as Nishiki stood back up.

Touka paused as she felt something all too familiar hit her, sending a shiver down her spine. Eyes. There were eyes on her, but she couldn’t pinpoint where the stare was coming from.

“Touka?”

“Yo.” Touka reacted to Nishiki’s voice.

“You okay?” He asked, tightening his grip around her hand.

“Yeah, sorry, I got distracted.” Touka smiled at him and Ren.

Nishiki began to lead her away again with Touka already getting over the feeling of being watched. She had felt it before, but it always ended up being her imagination or paranoia. She always cursed at herself for letting her imagination run wild like that. Ever since they had moved far away from the lives they once had, there wasn’t anything to be afraid of. They had lived as normally as they could.

Everything had finally come together. There was nothing to worry about.

Everything was okay.

———

Juuzou casually made his way towards the Director’s office where Tooru Mutsuki was standing by and looking as though he was guarding the entrance.

“He’s busy, Suzuya.” Mutsuki stepped in front of Juuzou.

“Never too busy for me.” Juuzou waved him off with a smile as he walked past Mutsuki and into the Director’s office. There was a bowl of candy sitting on top of the Director’s desk, something Juuzou helped himself to every time he walked in. Juuzou grabbed a piece of taffy-like candy and sat down on one of the chairs, propping his feet up on the Director’s desk.

“What’s your report, Suzuya?” The Director asked from his seat, which was still facing the windows.

“She seems to be doing well.” Juuzou spoke with his mouth full. “Uh, question though, why aren’t you checking up on her? Don’t you want to say hi?”

“Did she look happy?” The Director asked.

“Well, yeah.” Juuzou answered.

“And my son?” The Director turned his chair around.

**[CCG Bureau Director Haise Sasaki aka Black Reaper aka Ken Kaneki, alive and well]**

“He looked like a happy kid.” Juuzou added.

Kaneki smiled. “That’s why I’ve stayed away, Juuzou. To keep them happy.”

“But you still want to go ahead with the plan?” Juuzou asked.

“Yes.” Kaneki pushed up his glasses and placed his elbows on his desk, his fingertips pressed together. “And do me a favor, Juuzou, send in Nishino, I’d very much like to include her in this.” He added.

“Roger.” Juuzou hopped out of his chair and was soon out of his office.

“What was that all about?” Mutsuki slipped in as soon as Juuzou was gone.

“Get a hold of Urie, Yonebayashi, and Shirazu.” Kaneki sighed heavily, but gave a little grin. “We’re going undercover, Mutsuki.”


End file.
